修改前和修改后的写景作文【一】
游戏做完了，谁来完整地说一说游戏教程呢？（出示幻灯片）按照这个顺序来说一说。
1、先说给同桌听，再和全班同学交流。（交流的同学被评为表达之星） （这个过程要是我，就省了。把过程说完整，在学生说的过程中，还可以有一些指导的。不过，如果是三年级的学生，倒是可以。这是给更多的学生表达的机会。）
2、生互评：你听他的描述，有哪些值得我们学习的地方？（在学生完整说过程的时候，就可以让其他学生说一说，——如果他觉得哪里不好的话，可以让他说一说，看别的学生是不是同意，最好不要老师说好就是好，这也算修改的指导吧，嘿嘿。）（这里应有一些生成）
3、师：说得更精彩一些，比如说，他在举起锤子，他的眼神是怎样的，他的手怎么样……
（如果第一个学生说出这些，就表扬。如果第一个没说出来，可以提示，最好还让这个学生说。不过，这个过程好像和前面的游戏过程时的说有些重复。最好是在前面的`游戏过程中，就在这方面进行指导。如果一个就说得很完整了，就直接让学生进入写的环节。当然少不了你的鼓励话，来安慰没有说的学生了。嘿。）
修改前和修改后的写景作文【二】
板书：
关于板书，把学生的精彩写上去足矣，即是学生的光荣，也是你以生为本的表现。你的，只写一个标题就行。
修改前和修改后的写景作文【三】
One of the most crucial reasons for my view is that we could (canhave more opportunities to realize our dreams in the process of moving between places. As a young man(young men, we are all eager for success. However the road to (approach towardsuccess is so hard that we have to make great efforts. We must possess many aspects, including(去掉 outstanding intelligence, excellent education, rich experience and certainly good luck, most of which are acquired only by insistently pursuing, besides (andstudiously striving in different cities(if necessary. I can take one of my friends for instance. In order (toreceive the best education, after graduating from the senior school, he left his hometown to a remote city, BEIJING. But four years later, to looking for a better job, he left BEIJING and come to SHENZHEN, a beautiful city in his dream. Now his new goal is to enter American B-School to acquire (ofmore advanced knowledge in financing. We can see, in just about ten years, he has moves three times, and what is more(more importantly, this moving sill continue. Actually, in contemporary society more and more people are as this(act like him .
Another essential fact why (reason whyI hold my view is that we can enjoy a more rich and colorful (richer and more colorfullife, as we change places we live in. For my part, enjoying life is as important as, if not more important than, devoting work(hard working. It is a pleasing thing in the holiday to visit beautiful sceneries in different places. My friends mentioned in the last paragraph(before, has visited the snow scene in the north, and the widely (widesea in the south.
Admittedly, we cannot neglect the virtues (ofspending the entire life in one place. People can attained (attainthe feeling of family to their community, and the relationships between people are closer. Nevertheless moving between cities perhaps is more attractive to young persons than staying in one place thorough their lives.
From all the reasons mentioned above, it is not difficult to get the conclusion that if it is possible, I would move a number of times throughout my lives to look for the best job, house or climate I am eager for.
