要全面考虑,忌失之于偏
有一《关于命名表彰上海市双拥模范区县和爱国拥军模范街道(乡镇的决定》初稿,在决定命名16个区县为"上海市双拥模范区县"、146个街道(乡镇为"上海市爱国拥军模范街道(乡镇"后提出:
希望上述受到表彰的.区县和街道(乡镇再接再厉,不断创新,继续努力,开拓进取,进一步做好双拥工作,进一步巩固和发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶。
这段中,只是要求受到表彰的区县、街道(乡镇"进一步巩固和发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶"是不够的,本市各单位和驻沪各部队都要这样做。同时,表彰性的《决定》最后写"希望"时,希望的对象一般包括两个:一个是受到表彰的单位(个人,希望他们再接再厉,另一个是其他单位(个人,希望他们向受到表彰的单位(个人学习。公文中,特别是提出的希望和要求,要全面考虑,兼顾各方,反映出整体思维。
后来,这段修改为:
希望上述被命名的区县和街道(乡镇再接再厉,不断进取,争取双拥工作再上新台阶。
并在其后补充了一段:
希望全市各级党政组织和驻沪各部队向上述被命名的区县和街道(乡镇学习,进一步做好双拥工作,巩固发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶。
这样,"希望"的对象比较周全,所提的要求也比较切合实际。
过渡:刚才同学们都敢于说出自已看到的,听到的,都敢于说出自已的心里话。这是何老师最欣赏大家的,老师告诉你们:敢于表达自已的真实情感是写作文的重要方法之一。现在把你认为最有趣、印象最深的片段写下来。(这里,可以写过程的,如果前面的工作做的好,学生应该写得很快的。)
1、怎样写好一个片断,才能让同学们感觉到刚才的砸蛋过程就发生在你们眼前?
生:用上黑板上的好词,加上自已的想象,加上神态、动作、心里想的……(这几个要求不要说,只提基本要求,降低学生的害怕写作文的心理,如果学生写出来了,哪就是“彩”)
2、幻灯片出示要求:句子一定通顺、过程完整、标点要正确、一气呵成
3、改一改:先写完的同学,把它念出来。叶圣陶爷爷不是说过吗?修改自已的文章光看是不行的,一定要把它念出来,才会觉得到底通不通顺。(这个环节安排学生课下完成,保证现面的展示时间。)
4、分享作文,体验成功 (我打算师生共同写片断,如何)
谁来把你写的精彩片段读给我们大家听?看看谁最会欣赏?(在学生读的环节中进行指导,让学生知道从哪里修改。)
要准确规范,忌前后不一
有一指令性通知的初稿,提出了三点要求:
1.明晰责任、齐抓共管。2.分流管理、分级负责;3.查改并举,重在治理。
这段中,第一点、第二点的前半句用的都是顿号,而第三点前半句用的却是逗号,前后不一致。还有,第一点的结尾用的是句号,而第二点的结尾用的却是分号,也是前后不一致。这些都应该统一起来,才显得对称。公文的标点符号使用不能马虎,要注意顿号、逗号、分号、句号等点号表示的是不同层次的停顿,使用得当,句子就能形成起伏均匀的节奏感。后来,这段修改为:
1.明晰责任,齐抓共管。2.分流管理,分级负责。3.查改并举,重在治理。
这样,通过标点的规范使用,可以表明"三点要求"相互之间的平等、平行关系。
读懂教师在“眉批”和“总批”中提了的意见,明确修改习作的方法。
1、找你们班的大力士上前来砸蛋,老师有两个要求:一是要用你最大的力气去砸;二是听老师命令,老师喊砸你再砸。(我还要看看谁有一双慧眼,一双巧嘴,能成为我们班的观察小明星、表达小明星、合作之星)让学生拿起铁锤,摆好姿势,准备砸蛋。
师:谁仔细观察到了这位同学的动作?
生1:这位同学屏气凝神地望着这只鸡蛋……手用力地握着铁锤……(师:你的有词很准确,一听就知道他非把这蛋碰破不可。但是,这个句子有点别扭,把“地”改成逗号更好。别的句子如果有错,也要指导学生说正确,说通顺,说完整。(这是在告诉学生这个词的作用和正确用句子表达。)把它写到黑板的词语宝库)
生2:我觉得他脸上呈现出紧张的神态,眼睛死死地盯着那只鸡蛋……(师:看你多棒,还注意观察到了他的神态,尤其是这个“盯”字用的好,他一定想一下子就碰中它。你就是第一个观察之星,继续到黑板写词语)
(他怎么举的?——高高地举起。)
2、师:我想知道,同学们此时,你心里想些什么?生1:我很紧张,怕一不小心这只蛋被砸破了。生2:我很兴奋,很想看看到底这只蛋能不能被砸破?生3:我的心都快提到嗓子眼啦
3、好,既然大家如此期待,我们现在开始砸吧!同学们可要认真看了啊!三二一砸!
蛋被砸破了,同学们一片哇哇声
4、师:你们刚才看到什么了,听到了什么?谁来说一说?
生1:我看到同学的锤子下去,鸡蛋被砸得稀巴烂 生2:听到“砰”得一声,这个鸡蛋就蛋花四了……(这个蛋花四溅用的好啊,把蛋的可怜样儿描述得真形象啊。)
5、看到这个可怜的鸡蛋,你有什么话说?生自由发挥
6、想对何老师说些什么?生:老师你骗人,这只鸡蛋明明被砸烂了,你怎么说砸不烂呢?
7、别人的话就一定可信吗?是不是真的,还要靠自己做出正确的判断,有时候还要亲自试试才行,是不是啊。今后,要养成多问个为什么的习惯,才能学到真正的知识。(学生要能反思出这一点,有多好,哈哈。这要靠你引导。)
One of the most crucial reasons for my view is that we could (canhave more opportunities to realize our dreams in the process of moving between places. As a young man(young men, we are all eager for success. However the road to (approach towardsuccess is so hard that we have to make great efforts. We must possess many aspects, including(去掉 outstanding intelligence, excellent education, rich experience and certainly good luck, most of which are acquired only by insistently pursuing, besides (andstudiously striving in different cities(if necessary. I can take one of my friends for instance. In order (toreceive the best education, after graduating from the senior school, he left his hometown to a remote city, BEIJING. But four years later, to looking for a better job, he left BEIJING and come to SHENZHEN, a beautiful city in his dream. Now his new goal is to enter American B-School to acquire (ofmore advanced knowledge in financing. We can see, in just about ten years, he has moves three times, and what is more(more importantly, this moving sill continue. Actually, in contemporary society more and more people are as this(act like him .
Another essential fact why (reason whyI hold my view is that we can enjoy a more rich and colorful (richer and more colorfullife, as we change places we live in. For my part, enjoying life is as important as, if not more important than, devoting work(hard working. It is a pleasing thing in the holiday to visit beautiful sceneries in different places. My friends mentioned in the last paragraph(before, has visited the snow scene in the north, and the widely (widesea in the south.
Admittedly, we cannot neglect the virtues (ofspending the entire life in one place. People can attained (attainthe feeling of family to their community, and the relationships between people are closer. Nevertheless moving between cities perhaps is more attractive to young persons than staying in one place thorough their lives.
From all the reasons mentioned above, it is not difficult to get the conclusion that if it is possible, I would move a number of times throughout my lives to look for the best job, house or climate I am eager for.
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