George和Jim坐在沙发上各自读着一本书,两只狗卧在旁边,壁炉里火光暗艳,还有留声机里的老歌。Jim说此时此刻就算死了也无所谓。而他们初遇的酒馆有周六喧闹的人群,每个人都欢欣着,肆无忌惮地调情。拥挤的室内有昏黄又明亮的光,Jim穿着海军制服,十分年轻,欣欣向荣的样子,礼貌地回绝了身边的姑娘。
活下是一件非常需要勇气的事情。需要不停地斗争,需要努力地生存,需要不断地寻找,需要和不甘心,不屑,不满,失望,被舍弃,离别,自我否定等等许多负面情绪战斗,然而最后也都归于虚空。有限的生命比无尽的长生更需要坚定的毅力和信念对抗随时准备趁虚而入的虚空。
大约是年纪大了,泪点越来越低,看《The Fall》的时候,故事中的英雄一个个被***死,哭的涕泪横流,这一次则是深夜的海浪与沙滩,两人无所顾忌地冲向大海,就像明天不会到来,再也不会天亮,抛却了身前身后一切琐碎的顾虑,欢呼着沉入海底。
第一次见到大海是在我上初中的时候,到达临海的城市已经是深夜。父亲开车载着我们在沙滩旁停下,在未见过大海之前,根本无法想象那是有怎样的壮阔。是比黑夜更深沉的黑色,泛着若隐若现的粼粼之光,一层层的白浪裹着黑暗拍打过来,耳边只有轰然作响的大自然的寂静之音。我完完全全被这令人敬畏的景色迷住,完完全全地晕眩了,那时我到生命的渺小和无力,第一次感到激动的疲倦。
洛杉矶有非常壮丽的晚霞,亲眼得见之后,更加心心念念着它的美丽。就像无法想象真的会有人坐在空寂的苏联老式建筑的阶梯前,靠着廊柱弹唱着《美丽的梭罗河》,也无法想象老式电车摇摇而过,是穿着旗袍戴着玉镯的女人美目流转,同样的,也无法想象六十年代的洛杉矶,那两个靠在奔驰老车上抽烟的男人所得见的是怎样念念不忘的景色。仿佛空气中都飘着生命的颗粒,在最后一天的傍晚显得更有质感,如同流质的固体一样划过皮肤能感到水流的温度。化成印象中的实际,不过是弯弯的眼角和性感的嘴唇,一切体会得到的质感来源于往昔的怀念。
啊,就像再回不高中时心中的威尼斯,就连一向讨厌的黄昏也变得分外抒情。拱桥下是潺潺的流水,古老得让人分辨不出那一刻的\'确切时间。我印象中,有个刚上小学的小孩子,每天放学都会在路边等待下班来接自己的父亲,因为无处可,便在一棵杨树的后面,看着全校的学生各自走上回家的路,再看着老师们都骑上自行车离开了,最后是留守的校工彻底关上了学校的铁门。再然后就是漫无边际的黄昏,空中飘着晚上的军号声,一队队的士兵整整齐齐地列队走在大路上,小孩躲在树后看着这整个变暗的世界。
曾经有多讨厌黄昏,现在就有多爱它。夹杂着恨的爱,根本无从分辨原来的样子。想象着烟雾缭绕下六十年代洛杉矶的黄昏,走马灯一样的回顾了很多很多的画面。最后简直无法克制地喷涌出来,能回想起来的都是些细碎得微不足道的东西,柳树叶子的纹路,鸽子在沙堆上留下的爪印,酒馆门前冲每个人都鞠躬的门童,深夜在身后默默点亮的车灯。
George说,未来就是死亡。年岁越大,我也就变得越蠢笨。好的工作,安逸的生活,无拘无束的,来皆可。还能奢望什么呢,还能拥有什么呢。
可是有一天下了很大很大的雪,家门口院子里的那棵古老的杏树枝桠都被积雪压断了,可雪还在不停地下着。我从姥姥家回来,赶着回家上下午的长笛课。刚刚跑进院子的拱门口,便看见那个穿着一身军礼服的男生站在杏树下面,他连军大衣都没有穿,肩膀和眉毛上都落满了雪,手里轻轻巧巧地提着一个黑色的长匣子,里面是他银色的笛子。他转过身冲我挥挥手,镜片后面是弯弯的微笑着的眼睛。
我从来都不喜欢长笛,讨厌一切吹奏类的乐器。但我坚持练习了十六年,那个每次给我上课都会穿军礼服的男生却只教了我两年。
最后一次见他是在一个夏天的黄昏,我和我妈吃完晚饭绕着大院遛弯儿。路过训练场前的观礼台时,军乐队刚好在为即将到来的检阅进行最后的彩排。隔着整片的训练场,我看到他站在整个乐队的前面,手里拿着银色的指挥棒。那天的黄昏非常棒,能看到每件乐器上的反光。他背对着我们的方向,认认真真地做着他的事,穿着军礼服一丝不苟地挺拔地站着,就像之前我每次见他时一样。
我永远无法想象我的生命中,有什么人或事,在什么时刻突然地离开,突然地发生,和突然地结束。就像我永远无法预知未来的每一步会走向何方,但我知道它的终点,每每想到这里,便会觉得无比宁静。
没有一个同样会说出“我们是透明的”这样话的少年为我清理伤口,悄悄收起手枪,而我推开房门,也没有猫头鹰和月亮。在漫无边际的宁静和嘈杂的交替中,没有照片,没有药片,没有啤酒和香烟,也没有壁炉前的火光。
什么都没有。然而活下却还需要透支无法估量的勇气和希望。
未来就是死亡。我满心平静地接受着这件事。
Country Garden and Me
On the way from Panyu City to Shunde City and approaching the conjunction point of both cities, a big advertisement board of the infamous Country Garden will catch your eyes. And on the board, a lovely girl gently holds a little white pigeon.
She looks at everybody with a sweet smile. Who is this girl? Let me tell you later. Country Garden is located at the Beijao town, Shunde City of Guangdong Province. Ten years ago when my Dad and Mom took me as a baby to Guangzhou, it was a wasteland here. But what does this piece of wasteland look like nowadays? Country Garden has been developed and enlarged rapidly on the ground of this land, and a great number of high-quality houses and apartments have been built up within the garden. Over the past decade, other nine country gardens with various unique designs have been erasing around the great city of Guangzhou. The construction and management of several gardens have engaged the devoted contributions from my Dad and Mom.
Country Garden has grown up together with me, and I am one of the witnesses of its growth and development.
Lion was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up in anger, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: "If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness." The Lion laughed and let him go.
It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came up, and gnawed the rope with his teeth, and setting him free, exclaimed: "You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, not expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favour; but now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to confer benefits on a Lion."
一只老鼠从一只狮子面前跑过去,将它从梦中吵醒。狮子生气地跳起来,捉住老鼠,要弄死它。老鼠哀求说:「只要你肯饶恕我这条小生命,我将来一定会报答你的大恩。」狮子便笑着放了它。
后来狮子被几个猎人捉住,用粗绳捆绑倒在地上。老鼠听出是狮子的`吼声,走来用牙齿咬断绳索,释放了它,并大声说:「你当时嘲笑我想帮你的忙,而且也不指望我有什么机会报答。但是你现在知道了,就算是小老鼠,也能向狮子效劳的。」
一位父亲有几个孩子,这些孩子时常发生口角。他丝毫没有办法来劝阻他们,只好让他们看看不合群所带来害处的例子。为了达到这个目的,有一天他叫他们替他拿一捆细柴来。当他们把柴带来时,他便先后地将那捆柴放在每一个孩子的手中,吩咐他们弄断这捆柴。他们一个个尽力去试,总是不能成功。
然后他解开那捆柴,一根根地放在他们手里,如此一来,他们便毫不费力地折断了。于是他就告诉他们说:「孩子们!如果你们大家团结一致,互相帮助,你们就像这捆柴一样,不能被你们的敌人折断;但如果你们自行,你们就将和这些散柴一般,不堪一折了。」
Father had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelling among themselves. When he failed to heal their disputes by his exhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustration of the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day told them to bring him a bundle of sticks. When they had done so, he placed the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession, and ordered them to break it in pieces. They each tried with all their strength, and were not able to do it.
He next unclosed the faggot, and took the sticks separately, one by one, and again put them into their hands, on which they broke them easily. He then
addressed them in these words: "My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you are divided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as these sticks."
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