和你在一起
网络啊,你是高科技、现代化的象征,按说,和你在一起,我会收获知识和快乐,可是,你却让我失去了太多太多——
镜头一
“爸爸,学校收资料费,要27块钱。”我对爸爸说。爸爸听了后,颇感不满地问我:“上周不是才交了18元资料费吗?”我心里害怕起来,生怕爸爸知道我在欺骗他,生怕爸爸知道我是骗钱上网,支支吾吾着不知怎么回答爸爸的问题,但爸爸还是从他的兜里掏出了27元钱递给我,说:“到校就交给老师,可不要丢了啊!”……网络啊,请你看看,和你在一起,我失去了比金钱还要宝贵的诚实。
镜头二
英语课上了还不到十分钟,我就没有了一点精神。我清楚,这是我与A在网络玩了一整夜游戏的结果。心里面虽然强迫自己要拿出点精神,但却管不住自己,慢慢地我就将头靠在课桌上睡着了。当然,英语老师没有忘记当着全班同学的面狠狠地批评我一番,外带罚站两节课的时间……网络啊,请你看看,和你在一起,我失去了比金钱还宝贵的人格尊严。
镜头三
我的朋友B被外校的C打了一顿,B将这件事情告诉我们,我们都非常气愤,商量着如何解决这个问题。D说:“不如我们学学网络游戏中的办法,一伙人联合起来收拾收拾C。”这个建议获得了我们一致的.同意。于是,放学后,我们组织了六个人在路上截住了C,对他进行穷追猛打,直至将C打得头破血流、肋骨折断……网络啊,请你看看,和你在一起,我失去了比金钱还宝贵的善良品格。
网络啊,虽说你是高科技、现代化的象征,但你让我们失去了太多宝贵的东西!我恳请你想一个良方,让我和你在一起的时候,只收获知识和快乐,不要再失去所剩无几的财富!
[点评]本文值得借鉴的地方:1、“我”与网络对话,直陈“和你在一起”的种种损失,这种构思别开生面,令人耳目一新。其次,在开头设计悬念,吸引人看下去,在结尾提出愿望,让人掩卷深思,也是本文构思上的一大亮点。我们己经谈过构思的作用,本文更是一个有力的证明。如果按普通的叙述办法来写这篇文章,容易显得呆板平淡。2、串珠式结构并在每颗“珠”的后面以“和你在一起,我失去了比金钱还宝贵的……”作结,形成排比段,使文章脉结清晰,对网络的 “指控”十分有力。
推荐阅读:
1。 头绪分明,脉络清楚
写好记叙文,首先要头绪分明,脉络清楚,明确文章要求写什么。要对所写的事件或人物进行分析,弄清事件发生、发展一直到结束的整个过程,然后再收集选取素材。这些素材都应该跟上述五个“ W ”和一个“ H ”有关。尽管不是每篇记叙文里都必须包括这些“ W ”和“ H ”,但动笔之前,围绕五个“ W ”和“ H ”进行构思是必不可少的。
2。 突出中心,详略得当
在文章的框架确定后,对支持故事的素材的选取是很关键的。选材要注意取舍,应该从表现文章主题的需要出发,分清主次,定好详略。要突出重点,详写细述那些能表现文章主题的重要情节,略写粗述那么非关键的次要情节。面面俱到反而使情节罗列化,使人不得要领。这一点是写好记叙文要解决的一个基本问题,也需要一定的技巧。如:
One night a man came to our house and told me, "There is a family with eight children。 They have not eaten for days。" I took some food with me and went。
When I finally came to that family, I saw the faces of those little children disfigured (破坏外貌) by hunger。 There was no sorrow or sadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger。
I gave the rice to the mother。 She divided the rice in two, and went out, carrying half the rice。 When she came back, I asked her, "Where did you go?" she gave me this simple answer, "To my neighbors — they are hungry also!"
3。 用活语言,准确生动
记叙文要用具体的事件和生动的语言对人、事、物加以叙述。一篇好的记叙文的语言既要准确、生动,又要表现力强,这样才能把人、事描写得具体生动,其可读性才强。试比较下面一篇例文修改的前后效果。
原文:
One day Xiaoqiang was wandering away。 He was soon lost among people and traffic。 He could not find the way back home and started crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by found him standing alone in front of a shop and crying。 They went up to Xiaoqiang and asked him what had happened。 Xiaoqiang told them how he got lost and where he lived。 The two students decided to take him home。 Mother was pleased to see Xiaoqiang come back safe and sound。 She invited the two students into the house and gave them some money, but they didn't take it。 She served them with tea but they left。
修改后:
The other day, five-year-old Xiaoqiang left home alone and wandered happily in the street。 After some time, he felt hungry so he wanted to go back home。 But he found he was lost among the crowded people and heavy traffic。 When he could not find the way home, he started and crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by from school found him sanding crying in front of a shop。 They immediately went up to him。
"Little boy, why are you standing here crying?" they asked。
"I want Mom, I go home。" said the boy, still crying。
"Don't worry, we'll send you home。"
And they spent the next two hours looking for the boy's house。 With the help of a policeman, they finally found it。
When the worried mother saw her son come back safe and sound, she was so thankful and she invited the students into her house。 Gratefully, she offered them some money, saying it was a way to express her thanks, but the young students firmly refused it and left without even a cup of tea。
导入:
第1段:提出一种现象或某种困难作为议论的话题
正文:
第2段:Many ways can help to solve this serious problem, but the following may be most effective. First of all... Another way to solve the problem is ... Finally...(列出2~3个解决此类问题的办法
结论:
第3段:These are not the best but the only two/ three measures we can take. But it should be noted that we should take action to...(强调解决此类问题的根本方法
1。 叙述的人称
英语的记叙文一般是以第一或第三人称的角度来叙述的。用第一称表示的是由叙述者亲眼所见、亲耳所闻的经历。它的优点在于能把故事的情节通过“我”来传达给读者,使人到真实可信,如身临其境。如:
The other day, I was driving along the street。 Suddenly, a car lost its control and ran directly towards me fast。 I was so frightened that I quickly turned to the left side。 But it was too late。 The car hit my bike and I fell off it。
用第三人称叙述,优点在于叙述者不受“我”活动范围以内的人和事物的限制,而是通过作者与读者之外的第三者,直接把故事中的情节展现在读者面前,文章的客观性很强。如:
Little Tom was going to school with an umbrella, for it was raining hard。 On the way, he saw an old woman walking in the rain with nothing to cover。 Tom went up to the old woman and wanted to share the umbrella with her, but he was too short。 What could he do? Then he had a good idea。
2。 动词的时态
在记叙文中,记和叙都离不开动词。所以动词出现率最高,且富于变化。记叙文中用得最多的是动词的过去的',这是英语记叙文区别于汉语记叙文的关键之处。英语写作的优美之处就在于这些动词时态的变化,正是这一点才使得所记、所叙有鲜活的动态感、鲜明的层次感和立体感。
3。 叙述的顺序
记叙一件事要有一定的顺序。无论是顺叙、倒叙、插叙还是补叙,都要让读者能弄清事情的来龙去脉。顺叙最容易操作,较容易给读者提供有关事情的空间和时间线索。但这种方法也容易使文章显得平铺直叙,读起来平淡乏味。倒叙、插叙、补叙等叙述方法能有效地提高文章的结构效果,让所叙之事跌宕起伏,使读者在阅读时思维产生较大的跳跃,从而为文章所吸引,深入其中。但这些方法如果使用不当,则容易弄巧成拙,使文章结构散乱,头绪不清,让读者不知所云。
4。 叙述的过渡
过渡在上下文中起着承上启下、融会贯通的作用。过渡往往用在地点转移或时间、事件转换以及由概括说明到具体叙述时。如:
In my summer holidays, I did a lot of things。 Apart form doing my homework, reading an English novel, watching TV and doing some housework, I went on a trip to Qingdao。 It is really a beautiful city。 There are many places of interest to see。 But what impressed me most was the sunrise。
The next morning I got up early。 I was very happy because it was a fine day。 By the time I got to the beach, the clouds on the horizon were turning red。 In a little while, a small part of the sun was gradually appearing。 The sun was very red, not shining。 It rose slowly。 At last it broke through the red clouds and jumped above the sea, just like a deep-red ball。 At the same time the clouds and the sea water became red and bright。
What a moving and unforgettable scene!
5。 叙述与对话
引用故事情节中主要人物的对话是记叙文提高表现力的一种好方法。适当地用直接引语代替间接的主观叙述,可以客观生动地反映人物的性格、品质和心理状态,使记叙生动、有趣,使文章内容更加充实、具体。试比较下面两段的叙述效果:
I was in the kitchen, and I was cooking something。 Suddenly I heard a loud noise from the front。 I thought maybe someone was knocking the door。 I asked who it was but I heard no reply。 After a while I saw my cat running across the parlor。 I realized it was the cat。 I felt released。
这本来应是一段故事性很强的文字,但经作者这么一写,就不那么吸引人了。原因是文中用的都是叙述模式,没有人物语言,把“悬念”给冲淡了。可作如下调整:
I was in the kitchen cooking something。 "Crash!" a loud noise came from the front。 Thinking someone was knocking at the door, I asked, "Who?" No reply。 After a while, I saw my cat running across the parlor。 "It's you。" I said, quite released。
泥泞留痕,不经历风雨,怎见彩虹?
——题记
人生正是在面对和战胜挫折的过程中成长起来的。在人生路上,留下一步步坚实的脚印,才能体现出人生的价值,这是我和父亲一起走泥路时的启示。
当竞赛成绩后,我得知名落孙山,心情就犹如当时的天气,阴阴沉沉,被一层阴霾笼罩着,久久平静。
回到家后,吃过晚饭,父亲见我垂头丧气的样子,便说带我到家后的田野走走。我无精打采地答应了。刚刚下完雨,空气清新,周围的稻穗和山峦经历了风雨的洗礼,显得生机勃发。我望着一派生机勃勃的景象,心情稍微放松了些。这时,父亲说:“你能找到走来时的脚印吗?”我低下头望着地,很快就找到了,并指着给父亲看。父亲又问:“在平时天气晴朗的时候,你能找到脚印吗?”我马上回答,父亲问我为。我说道:“下了雨,土地变得泥泞,留下了痕迹。”父亲边走边说:“这不正像是人生吗!”“人生?”我猛地醒悟,是啊,经历了风雨的洗礼,才能在人生之路留下痕迹,才能人生的价值。我望着父亲踏下的个坚定的脚步,仔细地思考着这过程中收获的智慧。
挫折是人生路上的风雨,经历风雨的洗礼,才能留下生命的痕迹,才能生命的价值,才能书写生命的意义。
我振作了,我充满斗志了,我永远不会忘记与父亲走泥路时收获的智慧,我将踏出个展示价值的脚印,用我的行动为书写一条之路。
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