这篇习作想象非常新颖,小作者写体育老师如何当场“紧急处置”,从而觉得这节体育课不光锻炼了身体,还增加了急救知识,“值”。文中写老师的“镇定自若”,和同学们“一下子都慌了”形成鲜明对比,使体育老师给人们留下深刻的印象。结尾写大家更佩服王老师了,是发自内心的呼声。
Nowadays, many famous university campuses have become one of the popular tourist attractions. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that every year thousands and thousands of middle school students visit Tsing Hua University and Peking University and other famous universities in China. In the place far away from the capital city, the local students also visit the universities famous in their own province.
So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to open the university campus for tourists? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing for the students to visit the famous university campus in that it can enable the middle students to get more information about the university and they can have enough time and opportunity to prepare themselves with the chance to get into the university. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, the public tourism will have negative effect on the universities because it will not only do harm to the environment but also to the intellectual atmosphere.
In my opinion, the tourism to the universities is not a good thing. The campus is mainly a place for study. With the increasing tourism on the campus, it will ruin the spiritual atmosphere in this learning field.
首先,提纯范文 “谋篇布局”及结构模板。
第一段:提出问题或现象。Nowadays, … … have become one of the popular … …. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that … ….
第二段:正反列举人们的看法。So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to … …? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing for … … in that … …. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, … … will have negative effect on … … because it will not only do harm to … … but also to … ….
第三段:摆明自己观点。In my opinion, … … is not a good thing. … … With the increasing … …, it will ruin … ….
其次,提纯范文“段落写作”。
段落写作分为统一性,连贯性和完整性三方面。
统一性(unity:段落开头的主题句应该做到不可太宽泛,也不可太具体,做到有较强的概括性才能使下文做到有的放矢的展开。范文第二段首句以设问的方式提出一个问题is it a good or bad thing就有很强的概况性。下文自然会一方面从好的方面说明,另一方面从坏的方面说明。
连贯性(coherence:关联词是使文章段落之间相互连贯的必要条件。范文中nowadays, on one hand, on the other hand, in one’s opinion即以“启承转合”递进的顺序是文章条理清晰,层层展开。
完整性(completeness:以设问句“So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to open the university campus for tourists?”开头,这是平时较少运用的段落写作方式——设问法。“On one hand … …. On the other hand, … ….”是段落写作分类列举法的典型用法。
再次,提纯范文“句子写作”。
1. It has been shown that … …
类似句型:It is known to us that … …
It is said that … …
It is reported that … …
It is controversial that … …
2. “… … Tsing Hua University and Peking University and other famous universities … …。”——并列句。并列句是简单的复杂句。但其运用方法并不简单,注意练习并接句的使用,会使句子显的更加饱满。
3. enable v. 使…能够
I gave him full directions to enable him to find the house.
4. in that = because
表“因为”的连词还有since, for, as,如:
The boy was absent because he was ill. = The boy was absent since he was ill.
此句以我们常用的人称开头,句式简单,我们可以通过把since提前改变句式,如:
Since the boy was ill, he was absent. 句式多样化。
最后,提纯范文“措辞”。
1. attraction n. 具有吸引力的事情。
2. thousands and thousands 成千上万的
形容“多”的表达方法:millions and millions
a multitude of
a great deal of
a large amount of
plenty of
many a
3. “some people argued that … …”中的“argue”并不是“讨论,辩论”的意思,而是“认为”。
I argue that … …
I maintain that … …
I claim that … …
I insist that … … = I think that … …
I hold that … …
I assert that … …
I assume that … …
4. negative adj. 否定的.,相反的
hold negative view = hold opposite opinions
5. phenomenon n. 现象
social phenomenon 社会现象
natural phenomenon 自然现象
6. intellectual adj. 聪明的= intelligent, bright, clever
(选词策略:使用最近所学的单词,如intellectual > intelligent > bright > clever
在分析并掌握范文之后,我们需要运用范文知识练习仿写。笔者运用2005年12月范文中的模板结构仿写了2006年12月的四级作文,以供参考:
1. 许多人喜欢在除夕夜看春节晚会
2. 但有些人提出取消春节晚会
3. 我的看法
Nowadays, the Spring Festival Evening has become one of the popular topic and attractions during every traditional New Year’s Eve. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that every year thousands and thousands of Chinese people appear to be accustomed to enjoying the sights and sounds of a brilliant feast, while gathering with their beloved family.
However, an increasing number of people have voiced different opinions towards it. So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to cancel the Spring Festival Evening? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing to amuse the audience in that it is composed by a numerous adequate programs, such as the emotional song, the graceful dance, the funny short sketch, the amusing comic dialogue, the delightful magic, and the marvelous acrobatics and so on. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, the Spring Festival Evening will have negative effect on the family harmony because it will not only do harm to having the talks between family members on the Spring Festival Eve but also to enjoying the gourmet meal in a fancy restaurant.
In my opinion, the Spring Festival Evening is a good thing. It may not remain a must for all people, but it can bring us a strong sense of festivity and serve as an alternative among the variety of holiday activities. With the increasing audience of the Spring Festival Evening, it will ruin a distinctive culture during the Spring Festival vacation.
记叙文常见的表达方式是记叙、描写、抒情和议论。记叙,就是记载和叙述人物的经历、活动以及事物发展变化的经过;描写,就是以形象的语言对人物、事件、环境作细致入微的描绘,给人以真切的感受;抒情,就是抒发、表达自己的感情;议论,就是讲述道理,也就是作者通过对事物、事件的评论,来表明自己的观点和态度记叙和描写是记叙文常见的表达方式,记叙和描写的结合,是记叙文写作的基本要求。记叙是通过一般的述说和交代,把人物或事件及其相互关系变化介绍给读者,使读者对事物的发展和全貌有一个清晰的了解;描写是在记叙的基础上,用生动形象的语言,将人物、事件、景物存在与变化的具体状态作精细的描绘,造成一种如见其人,如闻其声,如临其境的感觉,使读者受到艺术感染,留下难以忘怀的印象。记叙文如果缺少描写,就会平淡苍白,主题不突出,形象不鲜明,情节不感人。当然,描写要恰当,为中心服务。所谓恰当,即突出特征,符合身份,写出变化。
写作记叙文时,在记叙和描写的基础上,适当穿插抒情和议论不仅能增强文章的感染力和表现力,而且能突出文章的中心。
一、选择较小的切入点:,择其一点,不及其余,也就是只定大范围中的某一方面。给自己提供一个充分发挥、具体表现的好舞台,这样才能在五六百字左右的篇幅内定出立意鲜明、内容具体充实的好文章。
二、材料新鲜:文章的材料好比建造房屋的材料,但文章对材料的要求永远是力求新鲜。
三、内容真实:我们时应牢记:只有真实的,才是动人的!如果我们一味地为了打动人而胡编乱造所谓的`动人故事,只能让阅卷老师反感。艺术的真实实际就是在真实生活的基础上进行技巧性的加工,如设置悬念、修饰语言等。
四、构思精巧:构思的精巧起以小见大、选材新鲜并不是并列关系,而是互相包含。一般说来,构思精巧的文章,一定是以小见大的,也一定是选材新鲜的。文章的开头、结尾、过渡、遣词造句都可以纳入。审好文题之后,构思就应该开始了。
此外,要做到
一、立意深刻
这里的立意深刻是指文章的主题新鲜独特,与众不同,富有深意。
二、语言生动形象
这是指文章的描写功夫。好的记叙文应该充满着生动形象的描写,精细入微的刻画:人物的语言、行心理,事件的动态,景物的变化等。
三、技巧熟练
文章是用语言文字表现主题的,如何使语言文字达到最佳表达效果,就以看写作技巧了。一般而言,写作技巧包括详略﹙确定哪些内容该详写,哪些内容该略写﹚、表现用法(象征、以物喻人、过渡言志等)、体裁安排、顺序、点题、过渡响应等。总之,一篇优秀的记叙文,一定是包含了上述因素的。
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