初稿
As is shown above, a leader father is sitting in the chair with a seal grasping in the hand, and a lot of money beside him. He seriously said to his son that there is more to life than just money -it is power. Simple as the picture is, but a profound truth is reveled in the picture.
I surely disagree with father ’s philosophy. As a leader, he shouldn ’t use his power to make money. It is his duty to serve people wholeheartedly, just one person said “with great power comes great responsibility ”. If he stick to his philosophy. I believe that he will spend the rest of his life in prison. What’s worse, he could affect his son ’s philosophy, guiding him in the opposite direction , nothing can be done to reverse the trend itself. The only solution is to change father ’s philosophy. Because of many greedy officials in China, it is time to reverse the trend itself by establishing new policy. As Chinese always has been our confidence that we can change for the better and better.
In my opinion, there is more to to life than just money -it is happiness, nothing is important than happiness. We can live a colorful life in our spare time.
自评
As is shown above, a leader father is sitting in the chair with a seal grasping in the hand, and a lot of money beside him. He seriously said to his son that there is more to life than just money it is power. Simple as the picture is, but a profound truth is reveled in the picture.
I surely disagree with father ’s philosophy. As a leader, he shouldn ’t use his power to make money. It is his duty to serve people wholeheartedly, just one person said “with great power comes great responsibility ”. If he stick to his philosophy. I believe that he will spend the rest of his life in prison. What’s worse, he could affect his son ’s philosophy, guiding him in the opposite direction , nothing can be done to reverse the trend itself. The only solution is to change father ’s philosophy. Because of many greedy officials in China, it is time to reverse the trend itself by establishing new policy. As Chinese always has been our confidence that we can change for the better and better.
In my opinion, there is more to life than just money it is happiness, nothing is important than happiness. We can live a colorful life in our spare time.
评分:23
互评(刘兴顺评)
As is shown above, a leader father is sitting in the chair with a seal grasping in the hand, and a lot of money beside him. He seriously said to his son that there is more to life than just money it is power. Simple as the picture is, but a profound truth is reveled in the picture.
I surely disagree with father ’s philosophy. As a leader, he shouldn ’t use his power to make money. It is his duty to serve people wholeheartedly, just one person said “with great power comes great responsibility ”. If he stick to his philosophy. I believe that he will spend the rest of his life in prison. What’s worse, he could affect his son ’s philosophy, guiding him in the opposite direction , nothing can be done to reverse the trend itself. The only solution is to change father ’s philosophy. Because of many greedy officials in China, it is time to reverse the trend itself by establishing new policy. As Chinese always has been our confidence that we can change for the better and better.
In my opinion, there is more to life than just money -it is happiness, nothing is important than happiness. We can live a colorful life in our spare time.
评分:23
互评(战越评)
As is shown above, a leader father is sitting in the chair with a seal grasping in the hand, and a lot of money beside him. He seriously said to his son that there is more to life than just money it is power. Simple as the picture is, but a profound truth is reveled in the picture.
I surely disagree with father ’s philosophy. As a leader, he shouldn ’t use his power to make money. It is his duty to serve people wholeheartedly, just one person said “with great power comes great responsibility ”. If he stick to his philosophy. I believe that he will spend the rest of his life in prison. What’s worse, he could affect his son ’s philosophy, guiding him in the opposite direction , nothing can be done to reverse the trend itself. The only solution is to change father ’s philosophy. Because of many greedy officials in China, it is time to reverse the trend itself by establishing new policy. As Chinese always has been our confidence that we can change for the better and better.
In my opinion, there is more to life than just money -it is happiness, nothing is important than happiness. We can live a colorful life in our spare time.
评分:
互评(李春霞评)
As is shown above, a leader father is sitting in the chair with a seal grasping in the hand, and a lot of money beside him. He seriously said to his son that there is more to life than just money it is power. Simple as the picture is, but a profound truth is reveled in the picture.
I surely disagree with father ’s philosophy. As a leader, he shouldn ’t use his power to make money. It is his duty to serve people wholeheartedly, just one person said “with great power comes great responsibility ”. If he stick to his philosophy. I believe that he will spend the rest of his life in prison. What’s worse, he could affect his son ’s philosophy, guiding him in the opposite direction , nothing can be done to reverse the trend itself. The only solution is to change father ’s philosophy. Because of many greedy officials in China, it is time to reverse the trend itself by establishing new policy. As Chinese always has been our confidence that we can change for the better and better.
In my opinion, there is more to life than just money -it is happiness, nothing is important than happiness. We can live a colorful life in our spare time.
评分:
匀称(chèn 惟妙惟肖(xiào 推崇 巧妙绝伦 刹(chà那 驻(zhù足 失之毫厘,差之千里 轩(xuān榭(xiè 胸中有丘壑(hè 嶙(lín峋(xún 镂空(lòu 蔷薇 因地制宜 重峦叠嶂(zhàng 御(yù道 磬(qìng 鎏(liú金 雍(yōng正 攒(zǎn 琉璃 蟠(pán龙 中轴线 伧(cāng俗 帷幕 雅俗之分 竺(zhú可桢(zhēn 孕育 翩(piān然 销声匿(nì迹 风雪载(zài途 农谚 榆叶 连翘 衰草连天 周而复始 草长莺飞 蟾蜍 囊(náng 繁衍 胚胎 鳞片 脊(jǐ椎 (zhuī 两栖(qī 相安无事潮汐 褶(zhě皱(zhòu 遗骸(hái 劫难(nàn 致密 追溯(sù 天衣无缝 归咎(jiù 藩(fān篱 啸 (xiào聚山林 栖(qī息 监控 在劫难逃 五彩斑斓 束手无策 物竞天择 无动于衷 潜(qián意识 过滤 顷(qǐng刻 面颊(jiá 喷嚏(tì 激荡 嘈(cáo杂 唠唠(láo叨叨(dāo 充耳不闻 视而不见
Nowadays, many famous university campuses have become one of the popular tourist attractions. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that every year thousands and thousands of middle school students visit Tsing Hua University and Peking University and other famous universities in China. In the place far away from the capital city, the local students also visit the universities famous in their own province.
So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to open the university campus for tourists? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing for the students to visit the famous university campus in that it can enable the middle students to get more information about the university and they can have enough time and opportunity to prepare themselves with the chance to get into the university. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, the public tourism will have negative effect on the universities because it will not only do harm to the environment but also to the intellectual atmosphere.
In my opinion, the tourism to the universities is not a good thing. The campus is mainly a place for study. With the increasing tourism on the campus, it will ruin the spiritual atmosphere in this learning field.
首先,提纯范文 “谋篇布局”及结构模板。
第一段:提出问题或现象。Nowadays, … … have become one of the popular … …. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that … ….
第二段:正反列举人们的看法。So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to … …? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing for … … in that … …. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, … … will have negative effect on … … because it will not only do harm to … … but also to … ….
第三段:摆明自己观点。In my opinion, … … is not a good thing. … … With the increasing … …, it will ruin … ….
其次,提纯范文“段落写作”。
段落写作分为统一性,连贯性和完整性三方面。
统一性(unity:段落开头的主题句应该做到不可太宽泛,也不可太具体,做到有较强的概括性才能使下文做到有的放矢的展开。范文第二段首句以设问的方式提出一个问题is it a good or bad thing就有很强的概况性。下文自然会一方面从好的方面说明,另一方面从坏的方面说明。
连贯性(coherence:关联词是使文章段落之间相互连贯的必要条件。范文中nowadays, on one hand, on the other hand, in one’s opinion即以“启承转合”递进的顺序是文章条理清晰,层层展开。
完整性(completeness:以设问句“So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to open the university campus for tourists?”开头,这是平时较少运用的段落写作方式——设问法。“On one hand … …. On the other hand, … ….”是段落写作分类列举法的典型用法。
再次,提纯范文“句子写作”。
1. It has been shown that … …
类似句型:It is known to us that … …
It is said that … …
It is reported that … …
It is controversial that … …
2. “… … Tsing Hua University and Peking University and other famous universities … …。”——并列句。并列句是简单的复杂句。但其运用方法并不简单,注意练习并接句的使用,会使句子显的更加饱满。
3. enable v. 使…能够
I gave him full directions to enable him to find the house.
4. in that = because
表“因为”的连词还有since, for, as,如:
The boy was absent because he was ill. = The boy was absent since he was ill.
此句以我们常用的人称开头,句式简单,我们可以通过把since提前改变句式,如:
Since the boy was ill, he was absent. 句式多样化。
最后,提纯范文“措辞”。
1. attraction n. 具有吸引力的事情。
2. thousands and thousands 成千上万的
形容“多”的表达方法:millions and millions
a multitude of
a great deal of
a large amount of
plenty of
many a
3. “some people argued that … …”中的“argue”并不是“讨论,辩论”的意思,而是“认为”。
I argue that … …
I maintain that … …
I claim that … …
I insist that … … = I think that … …
I hold that … …
I assert that … …
I assume that … …
4. negative adj. 否定的.,相反的
hold negative view = hold opposite opinions
5. phenomenon n. 现象
social phenomenon 社会现象
natural phenomenon 自然现象
6. intellectual adj. 聪明的= intelligent, bright, clever
(选词策略:使用最近所学的单词,如intellectual > intelligent > bright > clever
在分析并掌握范文之后,我们需要运用范文知识练习仿写。笔者运用2005年12月范文中的模板结构仿写了2006年12月的四级作文,以供参考:
1. 许多人喜欢在除夕夜看春节晚会
2. 但有些人提出取消春节晚会
3. 我的看法
Nowadays, the Spring Festival Evening has become one of the popular topic and attractions during every traditional New Year’s Eve. It has been shown on TV and on the radio that every year thousands and thousands of Chinese people appear to be accustomed to enjoying the sights and sounds of a brilliant feast, while gathering with their beloved family.
However, an increasing number of people have voiced different opinions towards it. So far as the present situation is concerned, is it a good or bad thing to cancel the Spring Festival Evening? Different people have different opinions. On one hand, some people argued that it is a good thing to amuse the audience in that it is composed by a numerous adequate programs, such as the emotional song, the graceful dance, the funny short sketch, the amusing comic dialogue, the delightful magic, and the marvelous acrobatics and so on. On the other hand, some people hold a negative view about this phenomenon. In their opinion, the Spring Festival Evening will have negative effect on the family harmony because it will not only do harm to having the talks between family members on the Spring Festival Eve but also to enjoying the gourmet meal in a fancy restaurant.
In my opinion, the Spring Festival Evening is a good thing. It may not remain a must for all people, but it can bring us a strong sense of festivity and serve as an alternative among the variety of holiday activities. With the increasing audience of the Spring Festival Evening, it will ruin a distinctive culture during the Spring Festival vacation.
Early morning,sun farther—in—law showed smiling face,small alarm clock “ bite the bell bites bell “ the ground cries,seem to saying:“Beautiful,should get up!Should get up!!
Li Lixing,see sun farther—in—law came out,asperse on pale green branch full bright sunshine。 Li Li wore a beautiful powdery dress,wore a sky—blue pants again。 At this moment,transmit outside the window “ chirp “ cry,li Li looks up to look,a birdie is crying,seem to saying:“Li Li has breakfast quickly,I and you go to school together。 I and you go to school together。
Li Li eats breakfast rapidly,carry small satchel on the back,go to school together with birdie。
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