1.学生原有的本、本等,课前学生找出,仔细阅读教师作文本中的“眉批”、“总批”。
2.学生摘录的描写各方面的好词好句,适时利用。
One of the most crucial reasons for my view is that we could (canhave more opportunities to realize our dreams in the process of moving between places. As a young man(young men, we are all eager for success. However the road to (approach towardsuccess is so hard that we have to make great efforts. We must possess many aspects, including(去掉 outstanding intelligence, excellent education, rich experience and certainly good luck, most of which are acquired only by insistently pursuing, besides (andstudiously striving in different cities(if necessary. I can take one of my friends for instance. In order (toreceive the best education, after graduating from the senior school, he left his hometown to a remote city, BEIJING. But four years later, to looking for a better job, he left BEIJING and come to SHENZHEN, a beautiful city in his dream. Now his new goal is to enter American B-School to acquire (ofmore advanced knowledge in financing. We can see, in just about ten years, he has moves three times, and what is more(more importantly, this moving sill continue. Actually, in contemporary society more and more people are as this(act like him .
Another essential fact why (reason whyI hold my view is that we can enjoy a more rich and colorful (richer and more colorfullife, as we change places we live in. For my part, enjoying life is as important as, if not more important than, devoting work(hard working. It is a pleasing thing in the holiday to visit beautiful sceneries in different places. My friends mentioned in the last paragraph(before, has visited the snow scene in the north, and the widely (widesea in the south.
Admittedly, we cannot neglect the virtues (ofspending the entire life in one place. People can attained (attainthe feeling of family to their community, and the relationships between people are closer. Nevertheless moving between cities perhaps is more attractive to young persons than staying in one place thorough their lives.
From all the reasons mentioned above, it is not difficult to get the conclusion that if it is possible, I would move a number of times throughout my lives to look for the best job, house or climate I am eager for.
读懂教师在“眉批”和“总批”中提了的意见,明确修改习作的方法。
过渡:刚才同学们都敢于说出自已看到的,听到的,都敢于说出自已的心里话。这是何老师最欣赏大家的,老师告诉你们:敢于表达自已的真实情感是写作文的重要方法之一。现在把你认为最有趣、印象最深的片段写下来。(这里,可以写过程的,如果前面的工作做的好,学生应该写得很快的。)
1、怎样写好一个片断,才能让同学们感觉到刚才的砸蛋过程就发生在你们眼前?
生:用上黑板上的好词,加上自已的想象,加上神态、动作、心里想的……(这几个要求不要说,只提基本要求,降低学生的害怕写作文的心理,如果学生写出来了,哪就是“彩”)
2、幻灯片出示要求:句子一定通顺、过程完整、标点要正确、一气呵成
3、改一改:先写完的同学,把它念出来。叶圣陶爷爷不是说过吗?修改自已的文章光看是不行的,一定要把它念出来,才会觉得到底通不通顺。(这个环节安排学生课下完成,保证现面的展示时间。)
4、分享作文,体验成功 (我打算师生共同写片断,如何)
谁来把你写的精彩片段读给我们大家听?看看谁最会欣赏?(在学生读的环节中进行指导,让学生知道从哪里修改。)
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