要全面考虑,忌失之于偏
有一《关于命名表彰上海市双拥模范区县和爱国拥军模范街道(乡镇的决定》初稿,在决定命名16个区县为\"上海市双拥模范区县\"、146个街道(乡镇为\"上海市爱国拥军模范街道(乡镇\"后提出:
希望上述受到表彰的.区县和街道(乡镇再接再厉,不断创新,继续努力,开拓进取,进一步做好双拥工作,进一步巩固和发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶。
这段中,只是要求受到表彰的区县、街道(乡镇\"进一步巩固和发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶\"是不够的,本市各单位和驻沪各部队都要这样做。同时,表彰性的《决定》最后写\"希望\"时,希望的对象一般包括两个:一个是受到表彰的单位(个人,希望他们再接再厉,另一个是其他单位(个人,希望他们向受到表彰的单位(个人学习。公文中,特别是提出的希望和要求,要全面考虑,兼顾各方,反映出整体思维。
后来,这段修改为:
希望上述被命名的区县和街道(乡镇再接再厉,不断进取,争取双拥工作再上新台阶。
并在其后补充了一段:
希望全市各级党政组织和驻沪各部队向上述被命名的区县和街道(乡镇学习,进一步做好双拥工作,巩固发展军政军民团结的大好局面,推动上海双拥工作再上新台阶。
这样,\"希望\"的对象比较周全,所提的要求也比较切合实际。
活动一 赏读积累,丰富语言
1.自主阅读摘录本上的好词好句。
2.同桌之间或小组之间互相赏读,资源共享。
3.教师补充一些描写比赛场面的成语和语句。
成语:
生龙活虎人流如潮振奋人心异常激烈你追我赶争先恐后 龙腾虎跃力争上游不甘落后 奋勇向前你争我夺英姿飒爽
语句:
A双方队员握紧绳子,他们一个个脚蹬着地,身体向后倾,拼命向自己的方向拽绳子。绳中间的红绸带一会儿移向猛虎队,一会儿又移向雄鹰队,互不相让。
B此时,我方的队员们一个个都红了眼,有的人脸憋得通红,有的人龇着牙、咧着嘴在叫劲,还有的人双手紧握绳子铆足了劲向自己方向拉。
C球飞快地向我飞来,我赶紧把力气集中在手腕上,看好球飞来的方向。用力一抽,球又被我反抽了回去。
D他紧绷着脸,双目圆瞪,手掌拉疼了也顾不得,还是一股作气地往后拉,脚跟往后退,一步、两步、三步……
E同学们高兴得又蹦又跳,互相拥抱,欢呼声、喝彩声,祝贺声使整个校园沸腾起来,连树上的小鸟也纷纷飞来凑热闹,好象在说:“这场比赛真精彩!”
活动二 回忆比赛,感受场景
1.回忆精彩的拔河比赛或者篮球等体育比赛。
2.小组交流,用心感受。(要重点感受比赛场上的气氛,注意选择一到两个典型人物进行重点描写,并注意写清啦啦队的表现,特别要注意人物的语言、动作、神态,同时要注意自己的心理感受)
游戏做完了,谁来完整地说一说游戏教程呢?(出示幻灯片)按照这个顺序来说一说。
1、先说给同桌听,再和全班同学交流。(交流的同学被评为表达之星) (这个过程要是我,就省了。把过程说完整,在学生说的过程中,还可以有一些指导的。不过,如果是三年级的学生,倒是可以。这是给更多的学生表达的机会。)
2、生互评:你听他的描述,有哪些值得我们学习的地方?(在学生完整说过程的时候,就可以让其他学生说一说,——如果他觉得哪里不好的话,可以让他说一说,看别的学生是不是同意,最好不要老师说好就是好,这也算修改的指导吧,嘿嘿。)(这里应有一些生成)
3、师:说得更精彩一些,比如说,他在举起锤子,他的眼神是怎样的,他的手怎么样……
(如果第一个学生说出这些,就表扬。如果第一个没说出来,可以提示,最好还让这个学生说。不过,这个过程好像和前面的游戏过程时的说有些重复。最好是在前面的`游戏过程中,就在这方面进行指导。如果一个就说得很完整了,就直接让学生进入写的环节。当然少不了你的鼓励话,来安慰没有说的学生了。嘿。)
读懂教师在“眉批”和“总批”中提了的意见,明确修改习作的方法。
One of the most crucial reasons for my view is that we could (canhave more opportunities to realize our dreams in the process of moving between places. As a young man(young men, we are all eager for success. However the road to (approach towardsuccess is so hard that we have to make great efforts. We must possess many aspects, including(去掉 outstanding intelligence, excellent education, rich experience and certainly good luck, most of which are acquired only by insistently pursuing, besides (andstudiously striving in different cities(if necessary. I can take one of my friends for instance. In order (toreceive the best education, after graduating from the senior school, he left his hometown to a remote city, BEIJING. But four years later, to looking for a better job, he left BEIJING and come to SHENZHEN, a beautiful city in his dream. Now his new goal is to enter American B-School to acquire (ofmore advanced knowledge in financing. We can see, in just about ten years, he has moves three times, and what is more(more importantly, this moving sill continue. Actually, in contemporary society more and more people are as this(act like him .
Another essential fact why (reason whyI hold my view is that we can enjoy a more rich and colorful (richer and more colorfullife, as we change places we live in. For my part, enjoying life is as important as, if not more important than, devoting work(hard working. It is a pleasing thing in the holiday to visit beautiful sceneries in different places. My friends mentioned in the last paragraph(before, has visited the snow scene in the north, and the widely (widesea in the south.
Admittedly, we cannot neglect the virtues (ofspending the entire life in one place. People can attained (attainthe feeling of family to their community, and the relationships between people are closer. Nevertheless moving between cities perhaps is more attractive to young persons than staying in one place thorough their lives.
From all the reasons mentioned above, it is not difficult to get the conclusion that if it is possible, I would move a number of times throughout my lives to look for the best job, house or climate I am eager for.
过渡:刚才同学们都敢于说出自已看到的,听到的,都敢于说出自已的心里话。这是何老师最欣赏大家的,老师告诉你们:敢于表达自已的真实情感是写作文的重要方法之一。现在把你认为最有趣、印象最深的片段写下来。(这里,可以写过程的,如果前面的工作做的好,学生应该写得很快的。)
1、怎样写好一个片断,才能让同学们感觉到刚才的砸蛋过程就发生在你们眼前?
生:用上黑板上的好词,加上自已的想象,加上神态、动作、心里想的……(这几个要求不要说,只提基本要求,降低学生的害怕写作文的心理,如果学生写出来了,哪就是“彩”)
2、幻灯片出示要求:句子一定通顺、过程完整、标点要正确、一气呵成
3、改一改:先写完的同学,把它念出来。叶圣陶爷爷不是说过吗?修改自已的文章光看是不行的,一定要把它念出来,才会觉得到底通不通顺。(这个环节安排学生课下完成,保证现面的展示时间。)
4、分享作文,体验成功 (我打算师生共同写片断,如何)
谁来把你写的精彩片段读给我们大家听?看看谁最会欣赏?(在学生读的环节中进行指导,让学生知道从哪里修改。)
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