“放学了,放学了!”同学们一阵欢呼雀跃。我和我的同学——田默雨,我们都叫她小雨,像草原草原上的骏马一般“飞”出了校园。
就在这个风和日丽、繁花似锦的春天里,我俩跑向了对面的一片草地,小雨打了个滚坐在了草地上,我也学着她的样子。
然后,我说“小雨,你对学习都是盘根究底、韦编三绝,但我在这方面是碌碌无为,请你……”等我回过神来,早已不见小雨的踪影,我连忙跑到学校。
我们再次路过那条林间小路,我似乎又看见有许多茂盛而翠绿的树儿们在议论着它们的“儿女”——小鸟。该怎样给它们一个更温暖、更温馨的家,它们宛如在说:“我们一定要快长得更强壮!”不一会儿,我们就来到了音乐会广场,听到了小鸟的欢叫,鸭子在水里摇摆着,跳着舞,一阵微风徐徐吹来,树儿们“哗哗”地为它们伴奏,几只老鹰在天空盘旋,还有我们的脚步声,合成了一首振奋人心、奇妙无比的音乐。
我们最终还是恋恋不舍地离开了那令人赏心悦目的音乐,我们来到了花园。我看见了洁白无瑕的梨花,粉嘟嘟的桃花,还有……但我却被黄桷兰深深迷住了,它那迎面扑来的芳香让我靠近了它,我无法用语言来表达我对黄桷兰深深的爱意。它那一瞬间的绽放,让我情不自禁地一朵一朵摘下了它。小雨不知怎么的,似乎什么东西让她一下子恍然大悟,急得直跺脚,把我吓了一大跳,瞪着眼对我说:“被你摘下黄桷兰的地方,就不再出现那令你迷醉得五体投地的黄桷兰了他是属于大自然的,不是你的,你,你好自私!大自然会哭的,会生气的`!”小雨流出了滚烫的泪水,我也涌出了对不起黄桷兰的眼泪,急忙对小雨说:“小雨,对,对,对不起!我真的不知道会这样,对不起!”我又向黄桷兰跪下,哭着说:“对不起,黄桷兰,我不知道会这样,我再也不会伤害你了,对不起!对不起!对不起!过了一会儿,小雨拉着我的手,说:“希望你再也不要伤害它了,好吗?如果你能做到,我就原谅你。”我点点头,一阵微风吹来,黄桷兰似乎也点点头,似乎也原谅了我。我笑了,小雨也笑了,有两朵黄桷兰落到了我们各自的头上,我们异口同声:“这是黄桷兰送给我们的礼物!”我们手拿黄桷兰,一起回到了家。
朋友们,我对你们说:“我请你们,千万不要摘下令你们陶醉的花朵,因为你只是一时喜欢它们,你千万要控制自己的喜欢,因为它属于大自然,不属于我们我们,它们的美丽我们只能观赏,如果你真的喜欢那朵花或其它植物,你们一定要记住,千万不能索取!希望你们能做到,做到的朋友们,我真诚的对你们说声谢谢!
庞 彩 虹
文家街道仉家小学
文家街道仉家小学
庞 彩 虹
1。 头绪分明,脉络清楚
写好记叙文,首先要头绪分明,脉络清楚,明确文章要求写什么。要对所写的事件或人物进行分析,弄清事件发生、发展一直到结束的整个过程,然后再收集选取素材。这些素材都应该跟上述五个“ W ”和一个“ H ”有关。尽管不是每篇记叙文里都必须包括这些“ W ”和“ H ”,但动笔之前,围绕五个“ W ”和“ H ”进行构思是必不可少的。
2。 突出中心,详略得当
在文章的框架确定后,对支持故事的素材的选取是很关键的。选材要注意取舍,应该从表现文章主题的需要出发,分清主次,定好详略。要突出重点,详写细述那些能表现文章主题的重要情节,略写粗述那么非关键的次要情节。面面俱到反而使情节罗列化,使人不得要领。这一点是写好记叙文要解决的一个基本问题,也需要一定的技巧。如:
One night a man came to our house and told me, "There is a family with eight children。 They have not eaten for days。" I took some food with me and went。
When I finally came to that family, I saw the faces of those little children disfigured (破坏外貌) by hunger。 There was no sorrow or sadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger。
I gave the rice to the mother。 She divided the rice in two, and went out, carrying half the rice。 When she came back, I asked her, "Where did you go?" she gave me this simple answer, "To my neighbors — they are hungry also!"
3。 用活语言,准确生动
记叙文要用具体的事件和生动的语言对人、事、物加以叙述。一篇好的记叙文的语言既要准确、生动,又要表现力强,这样才能把人、事描写得具体生动,其可读性才强。试比较下面一篇例文修改的前后效果。
原文:
One day Xiaoqiang was wandering away。 He was soon lost among people and traffic。 He could not find the way back home and started crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by found him standing alone in front of a shop and crying。 They went up to Xiaoqiang and asked him what had happened。 Xiaoqiang told them how he got lost and where he lived。 The two students decided to take him home。 Mother was pleased to see Xiaoqiang come back safe and sound。 She invited the two students into the house and gave them some money, but they didn't take it。 She served them with tea but they left。
修改后:
The other day, five-year-old Xiaoqiang left home alone and wandered happily in the street。 After some time, he felt hungry so he wanted to go back home。 But he found he was lost among the crowded people and heavy traffic。 When he could not find the way home, he started and crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by from school found him sanding crying in front of a shop。 They immediately went up to him。
"Little boy, why are you standing here crying?" they asked。
"I want Mom, I go home。" said the boy, still crying。
"Don't worry, we'll send you home。"
And they spent the next two hours looking for the boy's house。 With the help of a policeman, they finally found it。
When the worried mother saw her son come back safe and sound, she was so thankful and she invited the students into her house。 Gratefully, she offered them some money, saying it was a way to express her thanks, but the young students firmly refused it and left without even a cup of tea。
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