Most female consumers shop unwisely.
Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money.
这时主语和谓语都已经进行了改善。但是你问还有提升空间吗?当然有!
此类段落不论字数多少,都给人空虚的感觉。考生往往为了凑足篇幅而“不择手段”。表面看来扩展了许多,但仔细永远只有一个意思。不得不让考官觉得即单调又啰嗦。
虽然来源于身边社会,但不可让描述方式变的太鸡毛蒜皮,拿不上台面。其实这点非常容易办到,只需要把事件中某一个具体的你,我,他,变成是客观群体,比如说people across the globe, students, they之类的人称即可。
举例的常见表达方式:
for example,/for instance,(后加句子)
Such as/ like (后加词组)
Take... as an example,
A case in point is that......
其次,在举例时还应注意尺度。
1. 应避免使用第一人称和第二人称,为了加强客观性,应将人称写成第三人称。
改正:Those people who raise pets, such as dogs and cats, are more likely to gain happiness and relieve their loneliness.(那些养宠物,例如养猫和养狗的人往往更容易获得快乐并且缓解孤独感)
2. 应避免引用一项调查研究,并同时伴有过多数据。应将数据去掉,用含糊的方法表示。
改正:There is much evidence to show that the number of people smoking has increased at an alarming rate in China. (大量证据表明。。。)
3. 应避免将例子局限在一个国家,尤其是中国。应将范围放至全世界。
改正:Many children around the world like to sit in front of the screen for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.(在全世界,许多孩子在屏幕前待太久,导致了他们的视力减弱。
“全世界”的表达方式:around the world, all over the world, across the globe
【写作真题】The advocates of international aid believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while the opponents consider it necessary, because money is misspent by the governments that receive it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
【名师献计】This aid is essential to the homeless and useful in helping recipient countries return to their normal state after major disturbances. For example, with the humanitarian relief obtained worldwide on an annual basis, victims of natural disasters (such as tsunami, drought, flood throughout the world can recover rapidly and rebuild their homeland.
在写作时我们同样需要注意词汇搭配的问题,下面让我们来看一个雅思写作的常见句子:
Advertisements have influences on people.
相信所有备考过关于广告和传播话题的烤鸭对这个句子都不会陌生对不对,那么我们现在开始试着扩句。
2. Many schools demand the students wear uniforms. Some people think that such a practice can undermine their personality and individuality. What is your opinion?
3. Some people believe that pet animals such as cats and dogs cannot be kept in the cities, especially in busy modern cities. Do you agree or disagree?
4. Nowadays, teenagers cause a lot of social problems due to lack of discipline. Some people think that parents should spend more time staying with their children. Do you agree or disagree?
5. Nowadays, many children have their part-time jobs. Some people say that doing part-time jobs is useful, but others argue that children should enjoy their childhood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
6. Some people think if students want to learn a foreign language, it is advisable for them to learn it in the native countries where the language is actually spoken. Whats your opinion? Give your reasons.
7. In some countries, there are women taking the positions of police officers, while some people believe that women are not suitable to work in the police force. DO you agree or disagree? Write your reasons and give examples in your experience.
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