hello.how have you been?
I have read magazine advertisement knowing you are hunting for some people who can be your pen-friends
firstly,please allow me to introduce myself.I am LiPing and I have a happy life with my parents in Shanghai.my father who is working for a big company is a legal adviser and my mother has retired.
I am working for an advertising company as advertising design.
My hobby is sports such as playing basketball,football,swimming and so on.I think that sports can not only lose your weight but also give you a good shape.I am fond of billiards other than that.
As far as i know one of your hobby is learning foreign languages.I could teach you to learn chinese if you will.
If only I could be accepted and be good friends with you.
good luck to you.
Yours sincerely
Li Ping
亲爱的灵溪:
您好!
作为你多年的笔友,很高兴能再次收到你的来信。可遗憾的是,我最近几年都没有看见你在誉恩教育上的投稿,我希望你能够重新拾起你的笔在网络上看见你的身影。
那么言归正传,你在来信中提及起要我评论一下你这几年来的文风和写作,我愿意竭我驽钝,给予一些不成熟的看法。
首先是你在六年级时写的一篇文章《雪中石桥》,我也是在那个时候关注到你的,我对此文的看法是“语言优美,但是缺乏线索”,我在指出你的不足之处时,很高兴你能够改正过来,那么,过去的错误我们既往不提,就谈谈现在你的不足之处。
你经常向我埋怨“作文字数不够”“练笔小说人物单薄无力”,下面我就围绕这两个方面好好与你商讨一番,如有不足之处、或者见解不到位的地方还请能指出。
“作文字数不够”我认为这是写作中特别容易解决的'一个问题,通常一篇作文或者是一篇轻小说,都有一个比较完整的故事,这个故事可大可小,但是其语言的描述必须做到细致,有的时候你以一种极高度概括的话语描述一件事情反而会把这件事情推向茫茫迷雾之中让读者难以看懂你到底想说些什么,要么就成了流水账,然而一味地追求字数也会把一篇不错的文章推向“深渊”。解决这个问题的根源就是思维的周全,往往线索的贯穿有利于文章的结构更加严谨,再比如在文章中穿插“插叙”、场景氛围描写铺垫,不仅能让故事完整有极强的逻辑性,一方面也大幅度地增长了字数。
最重要的就是细节描写,在平时的作文中通常只有650字加,上不封顶,这时候就可以适量穿插细节描写,比如在描写母亲的为你递上一杯牛奶,往往可以拓展开来至少一百字的描写,发散性思维设想或是回想当时的情景,比如“母亲递过牛奶的神情”“牛奶的味道”“指尖感受到的温暖”“台灯灯光照在母亲脸上泛起的迷人光芒”“我口中的干渴和对牛奶的渴望”等等。
其次,就是写作中(尤其是轻小说)个人觉得用得很顺手的“意识流”,运用联想手法穿插回以和你平时的见闻,相比现在情况的相似之处或者是特别突出的对比之处,还是那母亲递上一杯牛奶为例,由此你或许只能描写到“我的心头涌上一股温暖”,但是发散思维又或许能想到更多的东西,比如“孟子身上那件他的母亲为他临行密密缝的衣裳”“冬日的一缕温暖的阳光”,甚至是对比,比如“某些同学在学校对你的嘲讽刁难”“学习上或者是生活上的困境”等等,用文中“我的思维”串联起来效果更佳。
第二点“轻小说中人物形象单薄无力”,当然这里并不是指你对她外貌服装描写地如何如何貌美如花英俊潇洒,有的时候总感觉你过于注重外表描写而果断忽略了人物内在,如果只这样的话塑造出来的人物只可能是“穿着奢华衣服的木头人”。
语言描写很重要,仅仅只是片面的、毫无个人观点的对一件事物的描述反而会让人物更加模糊,《陈毅市长》的话剧选段对于人物的形象就比较生动,比如“偌大一个上海我都进得去,我就不相信进不了这扇门!”,人物的性格在言语之中也就自然不言而喻。
动作描写往往配合语言描写,然而动作与性格的不符合是大忌讳,动作往往决定人物性格如何,比如:一位小姐手中拿着书本放下了茶杯这一简单的动作描写,加以细节描写就可以勾勒出人物内在。
1、一位小姐肘部轻倚着座椅扶手,左手支起她那白皙的额头,视线聚焦在了书籍的第二行,右手缓缓放下茶杯,嘴中吐出了几个单音:“真是可惜。”
2、一位小姐将左腿翘在右腿上,手指快速地锤击着桌面,视线聚焦在了书籍的第二行,右手食指和中指瞬间用力,将茶杯砸在了桌子上,咬牙吐出内心的愤怒:“搞什么!”
由于时间关系,如果有不明白的地方请电话联系我,乐意为你效劳。
Dear Linda,
亲爱的琳达,
I saw your name in a newspaper. You asked for pen pals in China. I am fifteen years old and I live in the city of Shenzhen. I am in my second year at No. 1 Middle School. You can see from my photograph that I have a big smile and long black hair.
My father is a worker and my mother is a doctor. I like stamps, music, movies and reading. I enjoy dancing and helping my uncle on the farm, too. I am also interested in your country. Please write to me soon.
Yours,
Li Jing
亲爱的凌:
你好!
你的笔友多年了,我很高兴再次收到你的来信。遗憾的是,我没有看到你在过去几年的网上提交,我希望你可以拿起你的笔在网络上看到你的影子。
那么言归正传,你对我的评论,你在过去几年的写作和写作风格,提到了这封信,我愿意用尽我nudun,给一些不成熟的看法。
第一次是在第六年级的时候,你写一篇文章,雪石”,我也是在那个时候关注你,而我的观点是“语言优美,但是缺乏线索”。我指出你的缺点,很高兴你可以改正,然后我们以前的错误我们以前不提,现在谈你的不足之处。
你经常向我抱怨“字数不够”“练笔小说人物单薄无力”,我想着重从以下两个方面与大家讨论,如果有不足或不到位,还请指出。
“字数不够”我认为这是写作所要解决的一个问题是特别容易,通常一个成分或是轻小说,有一个相对完整的故事,这个故事可大可小,但语言描述必须做到细致,有时你到一个高度概括的话语描述一件事反而会把这东西向的茫茫大雾使读者明白你想说些什么,有什么困难,或流水帐,然而话盲目的追求将好文章“深渊”。为了解决这一问题是思维的综合源,常提示有利于更紧凑的结构,本文的另一个例子是穿插“插叙”气氛或场景描述铺平道路,不仅可以让故事完整的逻辑性强,另一方面,在词的数量大幅度生长。
最重要的是说明的细节,在平时的里通常只有650个字加,没有盖,这一次可以穿插的细节描述,例如在描述他的母亲给你一杯牛奶,往往会扩大开放至少100字的描述,发散思维的想法或回忆起当时的情景,如“母亲递过牛奶的神情”“牛奶的味道”“指尖感受到的温暖”“台灯灯光照在母亲脸上泛起的迷人光芒”“我口中的干渴和对牛奶的渴望”等等。
其次,是写作(尤其是轻小说)感觉很顺利“意识流”联想的使用方法穿插回到你平常的知识和现在相比,相似性或是特别突出的对比,或母亲递给他一杯牛奶,例如,你可以描述“我的心头涌上一股温暖”,但发散思维,也许会想更多的事情,如“孟子身上那件他的母亲为他临行密密缝的衣裳”“冬日的一缕温暖的阳光”,甚至相反,如“某些同学在学校对你的嘲讽刁难”“学习上或者是生活上的困境”等等,与“我的思维”系列效果更好。
“轻小说中人物形象单薄无力”第二点这里,当然,并不意味着你对她外表的服装描述多么英俊和美丽的花,有时觉得你过于注重外表的描述和坚决忽视自身的特点,只有这样塑造出来的人物只能“穿着奢华衣服的木头人”。
语言描述是非常重要的,只是片面的或没有说明的事却会使人物更加模糊的个人意见,市长陈怡选择“戏剧的人物形象更为生动,如“偌大一个上海我都进得去,我就不相信进不了这扇门!”,汉字语音自然是不言而喻的。
动作描写往往是与语言描写相结合,然而动作和性格的不符合性是一个大禁忌,动作往往决定人物,如:在一位女士手里拿着一本书放下杯子这一简单的动作描写,细节描写可以勾勒出来。
1、错过肘光靠椅子扶手,离开了她的前额,在第二行书聚焦视线,右手缓缓放下杯子,嘴里吐出几个色调:“真是可惜。”
2、一位女士左腿卷曲的右腿,手指快速敲击桌面,在第二行书聚焦视线,右手食指和中指力矩和杯子碰到桌子,口吐出内心的愤怒:“搞什么!”
因为时间,如果没有明白,请联系我,我愿意帮助你。
xxxx
xxxx.xx.xx
Dear friend,
I’m Sweet He, very glad to write letter to you! I hope we can make friends with each other. I’m 19 years old and my sign of the Zodiac is dog. How old are you? My hometown is a fascinating palace, which is located in the north of china. My hometown, Shan xi, is famous for its abundant coal resources. Beijing is my second hometown; I will study here four years at least. Beijing is the capital of China, which has rich cultural heritage. Where is your hometown? And how about your hometown?
I’m an outgoing and friendly girl, in fact , I’m crazy sometimes. I have lot’s of habits, such as singing, dancing, running, playing badminton, and so on. What kinds of sports do you like?I’m a house female and I like watching Korean dramas and comedy movie. What kinds of movie do you like?Thriller, action or comedy? I think pink is the most beautiful color in the world, and I hope I can have a house in the future, which is decorated by pink things. Can you imagine the scene? What’s your favorite color? And do you have a dream about future?
That’s all about mine. I’m eager to know about you. Please write to me soon and reply my questions which are referred to in the letter. Thank you!
Yours
Dear Jack:
I am a student, in jinjiang China. My English name is Diana. I am a girl. I'm thirteen years old. I'm in class 1 grade 7. I have a round face, a wide mouth, a small nose and a pair of big eyes. My hair is black and long. My favorite flower is rose, because it is very beautiful and fragrant. My favorite country is England, so I want to visit it. I like to drink afternoon tea, cake is my favorite food. I like reading books, it gives me happiness. My favorite book is "Anne of green gables", it is very good. What about you, I think you are very lovely. Would you like to visit me?
Yours,
Diana
Dear Tom
I am very glad to receive your letter.Here is my plan for the Sping Festival.I will go shopping with my parents to buy some food,vegetables and gifts.On Spring Festival Even,I am going to help my parents make the dumplings and cook delicious food.Then I will watch TV,play cards and set up the firework.I am going to visit my friends and relatives duing the Spring Festival.Of course I will viist the Temple Fair and take a short trip with my parents.I am sure I will have a good time.
Yours,
Li Hua
Dear Tom,
I am very glad to receive your letter.Here is my plan for the Sping Festival.I will go shopping with my parents to buy some food,vegetables and gifts.On Spring Festival Even,I am going to help my parents make the dumplings and cook delicious food.Then I will watch TV,play cards and set up the firework.
I am going to visit my friends and relatives duing the Spring Festival.Of course I will viist the Temple Fair and take a short trip with my parents.I am sure I will have a good time.
Yours friend
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