在滨海长廊旁边的树林里,从上往下看就象一片绿色的海洋。树林里,树很绿,草很青,鸟很多。一条石头铺成的路,走过整片树林,石头路的旁边有一片无边无际的大海,它叫“广东深圳湾”。
这是一片深蓝色的海洋,周围长着青绿色的小草,还有许多有大有小的石头也来凑热闹,一阵风吹过来,小草随风飘动,这些石头好像在看着小草舞蹈,被海浪送上岸来旅游的贝壳,有的停在沙滩上看完美丽的风景后,又被海浪送回海洋,有的被人们带到一个全新的世界。鸟是那样的多,有的横掠过海面,享受海水的凉爽,有的和风筝翩翩起舞,风在为它们伴奏,它们跳起了更加欢快的舞蹈,为广东深圳湾增添了许多生机。不用说,最有趣的肯定是那深蓝色的海浪了,一阵风吹过,大海唱起了歌儿,开始海浪很大,向前沖来,渐渐变小,最后在金色的沙滩上消失了。
这片大海,给我们带来了快乐,如果可以的话,我很想把海豚、海狮引过来,把这里变成一个海洋公园!
1。 头绪分明,脉络清楚
写好记叙文,首先要头绪分明,脉络清楚,明确文章要求写什么。要对所写的事件或人物进行分析,弄清事件发生、发展一直到结束的整个过程,然后再收集选取素材。这些素材都应该跟上述五个“ W ”和一个“ H ”有关。尽管不是每篇记叙文里都必须包括这些“ W ”和“ H ”,但动笔之前,围绕五个“ W ”和“ H ”进行构思是必不可少的。
2。 突出中心,详略得当
在文章的框架确定后,对支持故事的素材的选取是很关键的。选材要注意取舍,应该从表现文章主题的需要出发,分清主次,定好详略。要突出重点,详写细述那些能表现文章主题的重要情节,略写粗述那么非关键的次要情节。面面俱到反而使情节罗列化,使人不得要领。这一点是写好记叙文要解决的一个基本问题,也需要一定的技巧。如:
One night a man came to our house and told me, "There is a family with eight children。 They have not eaten for days。" I took some food with me and went。
When I finally came to that family, I saw the faces of those little children disfigured (破坏外貌) by hunger。 There was no sorrow or sadness in their faces, just the deep pain of hunger。
I gave the rice to the mother。 She divided the rice in two, and went out, carrying half the rice。 When she came back, I asked her, "Where did you go?" she gave me this simple answer, "To my neighbors — they are hungry also!"
3。 用活语言,准确生动
记叙文要用具体的事件和生动的语言对人、事、物加以叙述。一篇好的记叙文的语言既要准确、生动,又要表现力强,这样才能把人、事描写得具体生动,其可读性才强。试比较下面一篇例文修改的前后效果。
原文:
One day Xiaoqiang was wandering away。 He was soon lost among people and traffic。 He could not find the way back home and started crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by found him standing alone in front of a shop and crying。 They went up to Xiaoqiang and asked him what had happened。 Xiaoqiang told them how he got lost and where he lived。 The two students decided to take him home。 Mother was pleased to see Xiaoqiang come back safe and sound。 She invited the two students into the house and gave them some money, but they didn't take it。 She served them with tea but they left。
修改后:
The other day, five-year-old Xiaoqiang left home alone and wandered happily in the street。 After some time, he felt hungry so he wanted to go back home。 But he found he was lost among the crowded people and heavy traffic。 When he could not find the way home, he started and crying。 Just then, two young students who were passing by from school found him sanding crying in front of a shop。 They immediately went up to him。
"Little boy, why are you standing here crying?" they asked。
"I want Mom, I go home。" said the boy, still crying。
"Don't worry, we'll send you home。"
And they spent the next two hours looking for the boy's house。 With the help of a policeman, they finally found it。
When the worried mother saw her son come back safe and sound, she was so thankful and she invited the students into her house。 Gratefully, she offered them some money, saying it was a way to express her thanks, but the young students firmly refused it and left without even a cup of tea。
Last Sunday, Jim went out to fly a kite. The kite flew highly in the sky. Jim ran with it happily.
Suddenly the line was broken and the kite flew away. Soon it disappeared. Where was it?
Jim had no idea. So he had to run here and there to look for the kite. At last he saw it on the top of the tree. He tried to get it down. But he couldn’t. He felt sad.
今天,我和小舅一起去深圳湾公园玩。我们沿着海边走,走着走着,看见一个小岛。那里有一大滩稀泥。里面有好多螃蟹和滩涂鱼在穿梭,就像我们在香港湿地公园看到的一样。我说,我想下去抓几只,就跑过去了。
刚开始的时候,我还没抓到,后来我就抓到两只特小的螃蟹。因为天气很热,大家都想找个凉快的地方,所以我们就去海岸城了。到了海岸城,旁边有一家披萨餐厅,所以我们就进去了,我点了一个“当牛遇到鸡”,饱餐了一顿。
© 2022 xuexicn.net,All Rights Reserved.