假如我是一条鱼,一条小河中的鱼儿,我绝不会糊里糊涂地就上了饭桌。我要找小虾妹妹玩儿。如果有孩子下河游泳,我就轻轻地啄他们的小脚丫,看他们惊叫着逃上岸去,然后怡然自得地一甩尾巴,游走。做一条顽皮的鱼儿。
假如我是一条鱼,一条湖泊里的`大鱼,我绝不会被套进网里。不幸被网住,我还要率领各位大鱼小鱼用小而风力的牙齿把人类的网咬破。或者和众鱼一起钻到石头底下,让人类吃个“空城计”。再看着人类的脚和破烂不堪的网往岸上移去,“哈哈”地笑着吐出几个泡泡。做一条足智多谋的鱼儿。
假如我是一条鱼,一条大海中微乎其微的鱼儿。我绝不会当被大鱼“啊呜”一口,却连塞牙缝都小了的大傻鱼。我要钻进亲爱的珊瑚姐姐的怀里,看着大鱼从身边傻乎乎地游过去,得意到把珊瑚姐姐当做蹦蹦床,跳上去又跳下来。然后和兄弟姐妹们到处旅游,随心安家,再躲进新认识的珊瑚中,逃避大鱼的大嘴巴。做一条大胆闯江湖的鱼儿。
假如我是一条鱼,一条鱼缸里的金鱼。我绝不用上饭桌,也不用到处躲藏危险。一天到晚看几张熟悉的人类的脸,再也看不到阳光、泥土、家人。万一主人心情不好,几天不喂食,就连生命也不在自己掌握之中。做一条懒得、笨的但又魅力的金鱼?NO!我不做这样一条漫无目的的鱼儿。
此类例子往往缺乏客观性和说服力,由于第一人称的局限导致所叙述事件难免“鸡毛蒜皮”。要明白,个人不代表整体。
例:I keep my dog to avoid my loneliness and I find a lot of fun.
这样的例子让人犹如在看记叙文,和议论文很不搭调。
虽然来源于身边社会,但不可让描述方式变的太鸡毛蒜皮,拿不上台面。其实这点非常容易办到,只需要把事件中某一个具体的你,我,他,变成是客观群体,比如说people across the globe, students, they之类的人称即可。
举例的常见表达方式:
for example,/for instance,(后加句子)
Such as/ like (后加词组)
Take... as an example,
A case in point is that......
其次,在举例时还应注意尺度。
1. 应避免使用第一人称和第二人称,为了加强客观性,应将人称写成第三人称。
改正:Those people who raise pets, such as dogs and cats, are more likely to gain happiness and relieve their loneliness.(那些养宠物,例如养猫和养狗的人往往更容易获得快乐并且缓解孤独感)
2. 应避免引用一项调查研究,并同时伴有过多数据。应将数据去掉,用含糊的方法表示。
改正:There is much evidence to show that the number of people smoking has increased at an alarming rate in China. (大量证据表明。。。)
3. 应避免将例子局限在一个国家,尤其是中国。应将范围放至全世界。
改正:Many children around the world like to sit in front of the screen for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.(在全世界,许多孩子在屏幕前待太久,导致了他们的视力减弱。
“全世界”的表达方式:around the world, all over the world, across the globe
【写作真题】The advocates of international aid believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while the opponents consider it necessary, because money is misspent by the governments that receive it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
【名师献计】This aid is essential to the homeless and useful in helping recipient countries return to their normal state after major disturbances. For example, with the humanitarian relief obtained worldwide on an annual basis, victims of natural disasters (such as tsunami, drought, flood throughout the world can recover rapidly and rebuild their homeland.
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