太多专业数据会给人捏造的痕迹,缺乏真实性。考官会质疑数据的出处。
例:A survey indicates that the number of people smoking has increased to as high as 65 percent in China.(一项调查显示。。。)
"65%"让文章看起来有些假,有捏造的嫌疑。"A survey"又不够具有代表性。
Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money.
这时主语和谓语都已经进行了改善。但是你问还有提升空间吗?当然有!
Most female consumers shop unwisely and spend too much money.
这里的shop and spend就是复合谓语结构,但是到目前为止,这仍旧是一个简单句,我们继续丰富它。
Most female consumers shop unwisely.
虽然来源于身边社会,但不可让描述方式变的太鸡毛蒜皮,拿不上台面。其实这点非常容易办到,只需要把事件中某一个具体的你,我,他,变成是客观群体,比如说people across the globe, students, they之类的人称即可。
举例的常见表达方式:
for example,/for instance,(后加句子)
Such as/ like (后加词组)
Take... as an example,
A case in point is that......
其次,在举例时还应注意尺度。
1. 应避免使用第一人称和第二人称,为了加强客观性,应将人称写成第三人称。
改正:Those people who raise pets, such as dogs and cats, are more likely to gain happiness and relieve their loneliness.(那些养宠物,例如养猫和养狗的人往往更容易获得快乐并且缓解孤独感)
2. 应避免引用一项调查研究,并同时伴有过多数据。应将数据去掉,用含糊的方法表示。
改正:There is much evidence to show that the number of people smoking has increased at an alarming rate in China. (大量证据表明。。。)
3. 应避免将例子局限在一个国家,尤其是中国。应将范围放至全世界。
改正:Many children around the world like to sit in front of the screen for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.(在全世界,许多孩子在屏幕前待太久,导致了他们的视力减弱。
“全世界”的表达方式:around the world, all over the world, across the globe
【写作真题】The advocates of international aid believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while the opponents consider it necessary, because money is misspent by the governments that receive it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
【名师献计】This aid is essential to the homeless and useful in helping recipient countries return to their normal state after major disturbances. For example, with the humanitarian relief obtained worldwide on an annual basis, victims of natural disasters (such as tsunami, drought, flood throughout the world can recover rapidly and rebuild their homeland.
在这个句子中,我们先选择advertisements,influences, people这三个词汇,然后开始准备扩句。
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