Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money.
这时主语和谓语都已经进行了改善。但是你问还有提升空间吗?当然有!
虽然来源于身边社会,但不可让描述方式变的太鸡毛蒜皮,拿不上台面。其实这点非常容易办到,只需要把事件中某一个具体的你,我,他,变成是客观群体,比如说people across the globe, students, they之类的人称即可。
举例的常见表达方式:
for example,/for instance,(后加句子)
Such as/ like (后加词组)
Take... as an example,
A case in point is that......
其次,在举例时还应注意尺度。
1. 应避免使用第一人称和第二人称,为了加强客观性,应将人称写成第三人称。
改正:Those people who raise pets, such as dogs and cats, are more likely to gain happiness and relieve their loneliness.(那些养宠物,例如养猫和养狗的人往往更容易获得快乐并且缓解孤独感)
2. 应避免引用一项调查研究,并同时伴有过多数据。应将数据去掉,用含糊的方法表示。
改正:There is much evidence to show that the number of people smoking has increased at an alarming rate in China. (大量证据表明。。。)
3. 应避免将例子局限在一个国家,尤其是中国。应将范围放至全世界。
改正:Many children around the world like to sit in front of the screen for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.(在全世界,许多孩子在屏幕前待太久,导致了他们的视力减弱。
“全世界”的表达方式:around the world, all over the world, across the globe
【写作真题】The advocates of international aid believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while the opponents consider it necessary, because money is misspent by the governments that receive it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
【名师献计】This aid is essential to the homeless and useful in helping recipient countries return to their normal state after major disturbances. For example, with the humanitarian relief obtained worldwide on an annual basis, victims of natural disasters (such as tsunami, drought, flood throughout the world can recover rapidly and rebuild their homeland.
所谓议论文,最关键之处在于论述得当。支持句应使主题句更加令人信服,令考生的想法更加鲜明的呈现在考官面前。然而,中国考生在论述时往往存在一些误区:
此类例子往往缺乏客观性和说服力,由于第一人称的局限导致所叙述事件难免“鸡毛蒜皮”。要明白,个人不代表整体。
例:I keep my dog to avoid my loneliness and I find a lot of fun.
这样的例子让人犹如在看记叙文,和议论文很不搭调。
在写作时我们同样需要注意词汇搭配的问题,下面让我们来看一个雅思写作的常见句子:
Advertisements have influences on people.
相信所有备考过关于广告和传播话题的烤鸭对这个句子都不会陌生对不对,那么我们现在开始试着扩句。
Most female consumers shop unwisely and spend too much money.
这里的shop and spend就是复合谓语结构,但是到目前为止,这仍旧是一个简单句,我们继续丰富它。
一个国家同样难代表世界。雅思是international的考试,不应将范围框的太局限。此外考官来自各个国家,过分使用一个国家的例子会引起他们的反感。
例:Many children in China like to play computer games for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.
只需小小改动便可成为成功范例。
因此,首先考生应了解,举例是一种常见的论述方式,特别在论述某一些比较抽象的话题的'时候(比如文化类或跟艺术相关的话题)。但是,并不是每个段落都需要例证法,举例过多或过分牵强会影响文章的正式感,甚至给考官喋喋不休的感觉。
举例是为了更加形象地叙述事情。朗阁海外考试研究中心提醒考生们要注意以下原则:
时间状语和地点状语,都是你的扩句好朋友,不信我们来看:
Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money in their early ages.(时间状语
Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money on luxurious purchases.(名词状语
Most female consumers and their girlfriends shop unwisely and spend too much money on souvenirs.(名词状语
即使是状语,也可以通过叠加将句子变得更加丰满。有能力的烤鸭当然可以通过状语从句定语从句等等来让句子更不一样。
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