Long, long ago, there were two brothers, the one rich and the other poor. When Christmas Eve came, the poor one had not a bite in the house, either of meat or bread; so he went to his brother, and begged him, in God's name, to give him something for Christmas Day. It was by no means the first time that the brother had been forced to give something to him, and he was not better pleased at being asked now than he generally was.
"If you will do what I ask you, you shall have a whole ham," said he. The poor one immediately thanked him, and promised this.
"Well, here is the ham, and now you must go straight to Dead Man's Hall," said the rich brother, throwing the ham to him.
"Well, I will do what I have promised," said the other, and he took the ham and set off. He went on and on for the livelong day, and at nightfall he came to a place where there was a bright light.
"I have no doubt this is the place," thought the man with the ham.
An old man with a long white beard was standing in the outhouse, chopping Yule logs.
"Good-evening," said the man with the ham.
"Good-evening to you. Where are you going at this late hour?" said the man.
"I am going to Dead Man's Hall, if only I am on the right track," answered the poor man.
"Oh! yes, you are right enough, for it is here," said the old man. "When you get inside they will all want to buy your ham, for they don't get much meat to eat there; but you must not sell it unless you can get the hand-mill which stands behind the door for it. When you come out again I will teach you how to stop the hand-mill, which is useful for almost everything."
So the man with the ham thanked the other for his good advice, and rapped at the door.
说明文写作比较容易出现的问题,主要有两个:一个是对说明对象的特性把握不准确,主要是没有明确说明目的,没有对事物需要说明的那个方面进行认真的思考。其具体表现是,对事物的某个方面进行说明的时候,文章没有紧紧围绕该方面的特性来写,致使这方面的特性不清晰、不突出。就像写记叙文跑题一样,出现了偏离“主题”的情况。
我家附近的立交桥,桥身是水泥筑成的。桥面很宽,可以并排行驶七八辆汽车。桥洞也比别的桥大,所以路面也很宽,起码能并排走四五辆汽车。这座桥是建桥工人冒着酷暑建的。从一开工,他们就昼夜不停地干,假日也没见他们休息过。
这段短文,对说明对象的特性就把握得不准确。文中既对“桥的形态”进行了说明,也对“桥的建设者”进行了说明,使人不知道究竟要说明哪一个。通过全文我们可以看出,小作者无疑是要对“桥的形态”进行说明。既然这样,那他就应该紧紧围绕这一点,从“形态”的不同侧面来写,而不应该写与“形态”无关的东西,将“桥的建设者”也搅和进来。
下面,是经过小作者修改的文章,我们看看他是怎样修改的:
我家附近的立交桥,是在原来的路面上建起来的。桥身全是水泥筑成的,长达200多米,横向马路从桥的上面通过,纵向马路从桥的下面穿过。这座桥的桥面很宽,可以并排走七八辆汽车,桥下面的马路虽然窄一点,但起码也能并排走四五辆汽车。桥洞的两侧,各有一块蓝球场大小的空间,像半个扇面一样,由路边渐渐向一头低下去……
从远处看,这座桥显得十分雄伟。
小作者舍弃了一个方面,将笔墨集中到一点上,这样给读者的认识就清晰多了。
对事物的特性说明不清晰,主要是文章条理不分明,说明方法不恰当。其具体表现是,在说明事物特性的时候,不讲究说明方法,或者把事物的几个方面放在一起说,或者事物的一个方面还没说清楚又去说另一个方面,结果使得哪一个方面也没有说清楚。
我们也来看一个例子:
所谓“搭架子”就是在动笔写作之前,对主题提炼及材料安排进行的思考。写文章时,要根据材料提炼主题,并对材料进行合理安排。确定了主题之后,还要看材料是否都能很好地说明主题;材料的安排要符合表现主题的需要。
这是对构思过程的形象说法“搭架子”进行的说明。从小作者对“搭架子”所下的定义来看,他对说明对象的特性把握得还是比较准确的。可接下来的说明,却将“主题提炼”和“材料安排”混在一起说,就显得有些模糊、混乱了,无法给人一个清晰的认识。
既然“搭架子”是对“主题提炼”和“材料安排”两方面的思考,那么在说明的时候,就应该用分解的方法将两方面的问题分开来讲,将一个讲清楚再讲另一个。只有这样,才能做到条理分明。而且也便于集中精力把问题讲清楚。
下面,我们看一看按照这个思路修改后的文章:
所谓“搭架子”,就是在动笔写作之前,对主题提炼及材料安排进行的思考。对主题的提炼,首先应该从全部材料出发,从中提炼出一个具有概括性的主题。然后,还应该翻过头来,看看现有材料是不是都是与主题十分吻合的,需不需要增删。材料的安排,也就是文章的结构问题,主要是根据表现主题的需要,按照一定的顺序,将材料有机地排列、组合起来,以达到表现主题的目的。
经过这样的修改,“搭架子”的特性就比较清晰地讲明白了。
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