该生语言基本顺畅,亦有真实感受,扣住了本次作文要求的关键词语——“我”、“翅膀”,可是它又是一篇颇为典型的考场空泛之作,因为老师读完后,不禁为他(她)今年的高考语文作文分数担忧。原因有:
其一,下笔前心中没有规划,想到哪儿写到哪儿,凑够800字,大功告成,或许对分数也没有具体的期待;如此作文中心难以突出;
其二,不懂剪辑素材,因为思想的散乱而使作文中旁逸斜出的文字太多,跳跃性的思维方式使语言碎片化、夸饰化、娱乐化,如此作文内容难说充实;
其三,虽然该生选材(父亲的送学、我的复读)大有可做,但是脑中一团乱麻,条理不清也是“理固宜然”;
如果他(她)扣住六年前父亲的送学、一年来复读的`不易,将这其中感悟到的“希望”“力量”以具体的细节生动地展现,删掉旁枝杂叶,最后再交代这“希望”“力量”是父母送与子女的羽翼,让他们在生活的艰难中闯出一片天地,这种深沉的爱谱写了生生不息的赞歌,作文分数该是另一个档次了。
2.开学以来的随笔和大作文反映出来的问题:
①立意浅俗,情感单薄;
②面面俱到,没有角度;
③只见概述、不见细节;
④选材俗套、没有“独我”
⑤匠气十足、难求突破
⑥文体不明、情感泛滥
“将一些琐屑的没有意思的事故随便填成一篇,以创作丰富自乐。”——鲁迅
如:写自己能从呱呱坠地粗线条一直拉到15岁;写爱好,能把从小到大的兴趣班(放弃的、坚持的、硬逼着的、感兴趣的等等)一一道来;叙事只停留于事件本身(如:夜遇劫匪,“我”吓得怕死;帮助小孩子被孩子的妈妈误会,感叹:今天真倒霉;或者就是痛说成长史,把自己骂个狗血喷头;撷取记忆中的画面,只剩下初三为搏功名而长跑、做题,功利心污染了立意);在“难忘的记忆”中“为赋新词强说愁”,常见得伤感的泪水让少年男女变得孱弱,情感在雷同虚构和无病***中走向苍白;写作在应试训练中成为流水线上的同一规格,上面还都打着“货真价实”“训练有素”的标签;当学生的语言变得愈加华丽丽,我们却看不到有性格的主体、对自身生活的洞察、对精神层面的追思……
我们语文老师有责任亦应该让孩子们把荡漾在心底最柔软的丝丝缕缕心甘情愿地编织成有个性的华章,让他们有创作的习惯、思考的深度、生活的热情和美好的记忆,而我们收获为师的喜悦和骄傲。
3.教师的反思——万丈高楼平地起
激发学生的写作热情要从高一开始;
规范学生的写作章法要从高一开始;
引导学生的思想认识要从高一开始;
指导学生的写作技法要大盘明晰、具体而微;
整合所有素材、读写结合探求新天地,教师要成长为“灯塔”一般的巨人。
我们要扎下深深的生活的根须,才能培植起自己的大树;要架起高高的知识的灯塔,才能使之舟冲出死寂的港湾,搏风击浪,扬帆远航。
——梁衡《黑箱·灯笼·灯塔》
我们任重道远,唯有埋头苦干!慧心巧干!
4.简单介绍梁衡《黑箱·灯笼·灯塔》
我认为写有三法,简称之:黑箱、灯笼、灯塔。
“黑箱法”指“ 知其然,但不必知其所以然”。现实生活中用此法的是多数;
“灯笼法”是“研究过语法、修辞、文体,懂得一些为文的技巧和规律,指导的风格类别。”
写作除了多读书、多实践使有内容外,还要知道一些写作的基本路数,有一个灯笼照路。
They are afraid we will have accidents as the river has no safty measures.
So, of course, we should go to the river for swimming. It may takes our life for no reason.
It is very cruel. Sometimes we can hear the news that someone die because of swimming in the river.
If we want to swim, we can go to the swimming pool with adults. This is safe. And we can also ask a teacher to teach us. Just remember, do not go to the river to swim secretly. We should take responsibility for ourselves.
大人们总是警告我们不要要江河水库游泳。他们担心我们会发生意外,因为江河水库没有相关的'安全措施。所以,我们当然不能去江河水库游泳了。这很有可能会突然就夺走我们的生命,是很残酷的。有时候我们也会听到一些新闻说有人因去江河水库游泳而丧命。如果我们想要游泳,我们可以在大人的陪同下去游泳池游泳。这样是安全的,我们也可以请教练教我们。一定要谨记,不要私自到江河水库游泳。我们要对自己负责任。
nowadays, we can see some boys and girls who live in a small world of their own. they bury themselves among books and are proud of themselves. they think that it will make them lose their face if they do housework for they often think themselves very noble.
these young people are wrong. in my opinion every student should have a knowledge of housework. after all, they will have a family of their own, and they should do their part in keeping a good home. boys should also learn to do housework, for what will they do if they remain single? though not all boys remain single,yet they will be very helpful in the family if they know some housework. anyhow they will not lose anything, but, on the contrary, they will gain something useful.
for what i said above, we can find some eamples of our fellow-students studying abroad. all young men do housework as girls do. someone would argue that we can employ servants. this is true.however, what shall we do if the servant leaves us and all things are left to ourselves? we just cannot leave our clothes as they are and let worms and ants eat them up. and what can we do it we go and study in a foreign country where servants are out our means to employ? we must work for ourselves. why not start to learn to do housework now or else it will be too late? everyone should learn to do housework. what do you think about my idea, boys and girls?
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