此类段落不论字数多少,都给人空虚的感觉。考生往往为了凑足篇幅而“不择手段”。表面看来扩展了许多,但仔细永远只有一个意思。不得不让考官觉得即单调又啰嗦。
雅思考试有条写作指令叫做:Include relevant examples from your own experience. 所以很多考生在考试时都喜欢使用举例法(exemplification。这一扩展方式本身无可厚非,然而在使用时几种例子是不适合的。
那天,我们上到了第15课——天游峰的扫路人。文章里描写的天游峰的扫路人给我一种不一样的感觉,让人觉得他与其他人不同,他十分有精神,十分朴素。学到一半,老师便让我们小组讨论一下,画有关天游峰的语句。
小组的成员看了一下各自的语文书,画的都基本一样,只有一句有的画了,有的'没画。没画的人先发表了自己的意见:“这个语句是写游客的,跟天游峰似乎没有关联。”画了的人没有立刻发表自己的意见,而是先思考了一下,然后自信满满地说:“这句话看似在写游客,实际上实在侧面烘托出天游峰的高和险。”听起来十分有说服力,没画的不敢随意辩解,而是被征服了。最后,大家一致同意它是有关天游峰的语句。
通过这件事,我明白了问题只有反复琢磨,才能磨出一块美玉——最佳的答案。
不能过于空洞,也不能脱离现时,否则就失去了举例的意义。
虽然来源于身边社会,但不可让描述方式变的太鸡毛蒜皮,拿不上台面。其实这点非常容易办到,只需要把事件中某一个具体的你,我,他,变成是客观群体,比如说people across the globe, students, they之类的人称即可。
举例的常见表达方式:
for example,/for instance,(后加句子)
Such as/ like (后加词组)
Take... as an example,
A case in point is that......
其次,在举例时还应注意尺度。
1. 应避免使用第一人称和第二人称,为了加强客观性,应将人称写成第三人称。
改正:Those people who raise pets, such as dogs and cats, are more likely to gain happiness and relieve their loneliness.(那些养宠物,例如养猫和养狗的人往往更容易获得快乐并且缓解孤独感)
2. 应避免引用一项调查研究,并同时伴有过多数据。应将数据去掉,用含糊的方法表示。
改正:There is much evidence to show that the number of people smoking has increased at an alarming rate in China. (大量证据表明。。。)
3. 应避免将例子局限在一个国家,尤其是中国。应将范围放至全世界。
改正:Many children around the world like to sit in front of the screen for a long time, leading to their poor eyesight.(在全世界,许多孩子在屏幕前待太久,导致了他们的视力减弱。
“全世界”的表达方式:around the world, all over the world, across the globe
【写作真题】The advocates of international aid believe that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while the opponents consider it necessary, because money is misspent by the governments that receive it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
【名师献计】This aid is essential to the homeless and useful in helping recipient countries return to their normal state after major disturbances. For example, with the humanitarian relief obtained worldwide on an annual basis, victims of natural disasters (such as tsunami, drought, flood throughout the world can recover rapidly and rebuild their homeland.
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