“我们通常会把自己从小到大得不到的,未满足的需求,全部投射在那个爱我们、让我们觉得特殊的人身上,觉得有了他(她),这些需求都会得到满足了。”
“责怪他人、批评他人行为、指责他人不愿改变,其实是一种轻而易举的手段,能够简单地利用道德批判,将自己提升到一个高于他人的位置,也使我们摆脱了自身的不安。”
克里斯多福将亲密关系(主要是爱情)分为四个阶段:月晕,幻灭,内省和启示。在这方面,他的观点和《少有人走的'路》中爱这一章有些相似,爱情在起初是热情狂喜与极乐,一切那么美好不存在任何缺点,这个阶段的爱愿意为对方做任何事。进入到第二阶段后,矛盾争吵开始产生,你甚至会觉得在对方身上找不到任何吸引你的地方。一直到第三阶段,亲密关系能够让你找到机会直视自己的内心,由此可以发现多数争吵的源点是人在逃避内心的痛苦,而那个痛苦多半是你幼时或者曾经的求而不得。如果你有勇气正视过去的痛苦,那么就有机会进入最后一个阶段,看到自己的本质得到启示。“寻找亲密关系,寻找真挚的伴侣,其实是在寻找自我。”
如果要衡量从这本书里学会了什么,还很难,时至今日无论是亲密关系还是人际交往,从书里到实际运用还是一个磕磕绊绊的过程,时常感觉挫败在于读过的书听过的道理看过的不少,却还是碰到那么多焦头烂额挫败愤怒的事,直到看到这句话“怕什么真理无穷,进一寸有一寸的欢喜。”
Dear parents,
How is everything these days? I miss you very much.
I am very happy at my new shool. My teachers and shoolmates are very friendly to me .They ofen help me with my study.Now I am not worried about my English because I make a lot of progress in it anb I become more and more intrested in it. My shool life here is also wonderful. I take part in many part-time activities . I make many friends there and learn lots of learning methods.
Now final exam is coming. I am busy preparing it . I will try my best to do well in it.
I am glad that the summer holiday is coming. I want to take part in a GREEN CITY GROUP.I think I should make a contribution to protecting our environment.
It's hot these days but I can take good care of myself.You should pay more attention to your health.
Best wishes to you.
Love you,
XXX
当你爱那个人的时候,你会觉得他是全世界最棒的人。这个人几乎完美无暇,没有任何缺陷,即使看到对方身上的缺点,也都无所谓。当激情退却,一切归于平淡,曾经对方眼中的好可能会变成今天的不好,会发现对方身上许多无法接受的东西,当发现这些的时候,对方曾经的美感瞬间荡然无存,对方又变得一无是处。
Dear parents:
You are good! Thank you for you when I was growing up, to my care and meticulous care, what I have to ask you can satisfy me. Its always hot in summer, I kick a quilt, every time you gently help me cover the quilt, winter will give me a cup of hot milk before you go to sleep at night.
But your weight to all have no standing in my point of view, only think about how I. Now I have grown up, is not a two year old the child, I want your decision and judgment. Please dont pressure me again, had a lot of pressure on learning, you can put the gas pressure can reduce the?
Although you do not perfect, but what are the parents in the world perfect? Youll always be my favorite people. Is you give me life, let me come to this beautiful world and everywhere is full of love. I must study hard, to repay you.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Although we can only keep in touch with each other by the telephone or the Internet, I wish I could let you know how much I love you and how much I’ve appreciated the things you’ve done for me. It is never too much to say thank you to you, my dear parents.
First and the most important is that thank you for bringing me to this world. During the 20 years, you have done a lot for me, but I haven’t realized how much I love you until I left home to the university. I understand how much effort you have cost to bring me up. Now, I have grown up, I can look after you.
Second, I want to thank you that you give me a good environment to grow up. There is an old saying “Parents are the first teacher to their children”. In my life, you are the typical ones. Because of your good examples I formed the good habit of learning at an early age which benefits my life.
At last, I want to say “thank you” is that you always support my choice. You never forced me to do anything I was not interested in. You told me to pursuit my own dreams without hesitation and you would support me forever. You also told me to how to be a human. Now I become an optimistic and cheerful girl and I feel happy every day.
I really miss you when I am writing this thank you letter. I can’t wait to go home to share more time together with you.You are my most important people in the world and I will love you forever.
Yours,
XXX
Dear mom:
A: hello!
Mom this is my first time to write to you, so some shame.
How are you recently? Have a smooth work! How your mood these days, I have no dont care you one day.
How much I miss you, do you give me the rice, how delicious, I often dream of in the evening I went to the kitchen to steal to eat the food you do.
Mom you sit down and rest for a while! Dont be so hard to cook for us after work every day, every day we wash clothes... Every time after the meal, I want to help you wash the dishes, you say you dont have to tube chores, you just mind your own learning. Himself out of one eye, I am full of tears.
Ah! Mother I love you.
I wish you the best
Healthy body, the work is smooth.
处于亲密关系中的我们,总是把自己的脆弱深深地隐藏起来,用面具、用防卫与他人互动,当对方的言语、行动触碰了自己的脆弱时,我们总是换着防卫的花招与对方周旋。越是亲密的人越清楚对方的脆弱点在哪里,所以总是直击要害,一招毙命。所以,越是亲密的人对我们的伤害越大。
在舒服的亲密关系中,双方应该是平等的,互相尊重、互相信任的。在这段亲密关系中,双方都能真实的面对最好以及最糟的自己、学习接受和放手,真实呈现自己。学会自由的表达自己。最终找到通往爱和幸福的桥梁。
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