关于现象类作文评语【一】
“叽叽喳喳……”两只燕子在悲哀的叫着：“环境太差了，天上洁白的云朵被黑烟代替；清澈见底的小河被垃圾覆盖；翠绿而茂盛的大树被随意的砍伐，森林的面积越来越小……”
两只燕子到处飞，想找到一丝新鲜空气。忽然，燕子看到一条小鱼浮在水面上，奄奄一息的翻着白肚皮。一只燕子飞过去，关切地问：“小鱼妹妹，你怎么了？”“我生病了”小鱼有气无力地说：“要找到我治病的“秘方”真太难了！”小燕子好奇的问：“那你为什么会生病？”小鱼叹了一口气，无可奈何的说：“人们不爱护环境，造成了水污染、大气污染等环境污染，给我们动植物带来了危害，也威胁着人类的生存。”燕子点点头。“那“秘方”是什么呢？”燕子在刨根问底。小鱼伤心的说：““秘方”就是让人类保护环境，我的病就好了。可要办这件事太难了。”“让我去试试！”小燕子胸有成竹地说。说完，便向城市飞去，向人们大声呼喊：“保护环境，对你们人类也有好处呀！难道你们想像恐龙一样灭绝吗？……”
人们听了小燕子的话，终于知道保护环境的重要性了。人们开始植树造林、拾捡垃圾……
不久，地球的上空又飘着朵朵白云，树木高大挺拔……
关于现象类作文评语【二】
当今的社会，人们的生活水平不断提高，环境和污染变成了一个不可忽视的问题。在大街上，随处可见果皮、垃圾袋，弄得垃圾成堆，苍蝇乱飞，到处是臭气。在这样的环境生长，可不是什么好事，也不是人们所希望的。所以我想发明一种精致却作用很大的“环保清洁箱”。
“环保清洁箱”是长方形的，高度只有80厘米，箱内有两只特制的桶。外壳上还设计了一些精美的图案，如小动物、植物、卡通图案等，让人看起来感觉是一种美的享受。
与众不同的还是它身上的绿色、红色的按钮。当你扔垃圾进去的时候，它里面的智能芯片会辨别出哪种可回收，哪种不可回收。如果你把可回收的垃圾放进了不可回收的垃圾桶里，它会自动把可回收的垃圾移进可回收的垃圾桶里流出来，让人们回收再使用，假如不可回收的垃圾装满了，只要你按绿色按钮，它就会消化掉。
这种环保垃圾箱不但有消化的功能，还有净化的功能。因此，在有污水的地方，“环保垃圾箱”的作用更大了，只要你按一下红色按钮，就可以像魔法师一样把污水全部消毒过滤转化成可以饮用的纯净水。从一条管子里流出来供人们饮用。
有了“环保垃圾箱”，人们不用再为垃圾和污水烦恼了。看，宽阔的马路上鲜花盛开，绿树成荫。当然，这只是我的幻想，但我一定会把它变成现实，让它为人类造福！
关于现象类作文评语【三】
时光飞逝，20年过去了，我已经长大成人，可是经受的折磨也越来越多，走在路上，听到的是各种尖锐的噪音，闻到的是各种刺鼻的废气。于是我就想发明一种东西，为环保献上一点自己的微薄之力。
说干就干，第二天，我乘坐飞机来到北京科技馆，就相关问题咨询了环保专家。他们告诉我：“我国现有的环保材料只有两类：一种是抗噪音高科技合成材料，另一种是种植法，也就是将受污染的树木、花草恢复原样。”我突然灵机一动：怎么不从汽车入手呢？废气污染可是个大问题呀！于是我辗转来到一家汽车生产厂，向专家咨询有关汽车的问题，一下子我豁然开朗，明白该怎么办了。
回到家我就开始忙活起来，过了一段时间，我的环保汽车终于出炉。我把汽车开到了街上，大家只闻到香香的橙子味，没有任何一点废气污染，因为我用的油是橙子汁，行驶的途中排放出一阵阵沁人心脾的香橙味，并且还分泌出一种能吸收噪音和废气的分子呢！
这就是我发明的环保汽车。自从我的环保汽车问世以后，大街小巷都弥漫着芳香的橙汁味。
关于现象类作文评语【四】
1. 本文三大成功之处:首先注意选取最美好的片断来写其次用词准确第三文章结构紧凑
2. 本文围绕…这一中心组织材料语言准确鲜明生动内容极其丰富具体不失一篇成功之作
3.这篇文章选择了一个全新的角度，让你的思想可以在这里自由的驰骋，这是你最大的成功之处。老师要提醒你的是透过纷纭的世事，总有一些准则可供我们处世时把握，让你的思想更深刻些，你将会时时收到“滴水看世界”的效果。
4.如许娟秀的字迹，清晰严整的结构，不由给人以耳目一新的感觉，这一点老师真的应该向你学习。就让我们在今后的语文学习中互相促进好吗?
5.文如其人，你的文章和你的为人一样朴实豁达。你的作文功底很好，这也是你长期磨练的结晶。希望你在未来的学习过程中，用心感受和体味生活，写出更加感人的好文章。
6.文能言声，我想文章正是你心灵的反映。人生的路途确实很曲折，也很漫长，但只要你努力执着地往前走，成功的桂冠必将属于你。
7.文能怡情。不能把写作文当成自己的一项负担，而应该以积极的心态细腻的笔触记录下自己的心路历程。
8.可以说你的文章充满了真情实感。人嘛，失败在所难免，有勇气能面对失败就更加难能可贵。我相信是金子，总会有闪光之时。希望你尽快调整心态，你将会发现天空更加湛蓝。
9.真是“下笔如有神”啊。看来你一定阅读了大量的文学作品。内容如此丰富，更显示了你的文学功底。只是如果把材料再按一定的逻辑顺序调整一下，此文会更精彩。
10.看了你的文章，仿佛眼前流过一条小溪，清纯，可爱。希望你能保持住这样的文风，用纯净的语言表达出丰富的内涵。
11. 作文如做人，从你的生活感受中可以看出你是个积极上进的好青年，你看事物有自己的独到见解，认识深刻，真是难能可贵。
12.这篇文章以具体的事例生动优美的语言新颖别致的写法表现了对美好心灵的由衷赞
13.文章开头简而得当通过环境描写来衬托人物心情十分艺术化。
14.开头简明扼要
15.文章开头新颖具有先声夺人之效。使读者一见面就能对人物产生…的印象。
16.文章开头引人入胜吸引读者。…点面结合使文章生动具体详略得当。
17.文章语言生动丰富可读性强。
18.开头出手不凡吸引读者
19.开头打动人心具有真情实感。
20.文章开头交待得十分清楚起到总领全文的作用。
关于现象类作文评语【五】
【习作题目】
Students Grading of Their Teachers
1．学生给老师打分已很普遍；
2．人们对其持不同态度（肯定或否定的态度）；
3．你的看法。
【习作解读】
显然，此任务是写一篇议论文，主题为对学生给老师打分的现象进行议论，开放性较大。学生应根据实际情况，从多个方面阐述其原因并表达自己对这种现象的观点和态度。该话题更加贴近学生的实际生活，但有一定的语言难度，也有一定的思想深度。通过此文的写作，也从侧面提示了学生在注重写作基础训练的前提下，也应该注重培养积极思考、灵活运用、自由发挥等能力。
此次的写作任务出题相当巧妙，写作内容涉及的词汇和句型都属于新课程标准范围。题目在考查学生写作能力的同时，也在考查学生的分析判断能力及高度概括能力。富有想象力的学生写出的文章可能生动而富有灵性。此题目能引发学生对平日习以为常的行为进行反思，学会换位思考，这对中学生的性格和品德培养非常重要。
【习作展示】
Students Grading of Their Teachers
Nowadays, a lot of schools ask their students to contribute to grading their teachers. As a teacher, it is their responsibility to satisfy their students in all aspects. Meanwhile, it is admirable that school teachers prefer to expose themselves to their students.
If the system of grading of teachers by students is introduced, it will benefit students, teachers and the administration of the school for a number of reasons. For one thing, the system will give teachers and the administration of the school an insight into the minds of the students and show whether the teachers are successful in getting their lessons understood by the students; for another, it will also encourage the good teachers to continue their efforts and motivate themselves. What is more, it will expose those who are not doing enough and will lead them to correct their teaching methods as well as their attitude towards students. Thus the quality of teaching will certainly improve.
In a word, it is a promising concept and will bring surprisingly good results if applied with the right conditions.
【习作点评】
作者观点明确，赞成学生给老师打分。作为老师，就要做一个让学生满意的老师。这样，不仅对学生、学校有利，而且对老师本人也有利。这样，老师就会从另一个角度重新审视自己，看自己是否是一个成功的老师。如果得到学生的认可，这将是对自己的一次鼓励，为继续前行增添动力。如果学生的认可度不高，老师就应进行反思，调控教学方法和教学态度。这样，教学质量肯定会提高。作
者用简洁、明快的语言以及自己的经历列举了充分的论据，内容充实，贴近生活。For one thing, for another, what is more, in a word等过渡词的使用，是短文结构清晰，层次分明。最后，最值得一提的是，文中多次正确运用的高级词汇和复杂句式，给文章增添了不少文采。综上所述，这是一篇不可多得的佳作，值得向大家推荐。
二、写作模板
此模板适用于社会现象类议论文。参考模式如下：
Nowadays, there exists an increasingly serious social/economic/environmental There are a couple of reasons behind this problem/phenomenon. For one ；Based on the above discussions, I can easily forecast that more and more people
Nowadays, there exists a common phenomenon—with the development of the Internet, more and more people tend to send electronic cards instead of paper ones to their friends and relatives when an important holiday comes.
There are a couple of reasons behind this phenomenon. For one thing, compared with the traditional cards, electronic cards are more lively and interesting. They can give not only pictures but also sound and animation. For another, there are many websites online which offer varieties of cards for you to choose from. What is more, with the popularity of the electronic cards, less paper is used in making paper cards, which does good to our environment.
Based on the above discussions, I can easily forecast that sending greetings by using electronic cards will be accepted by more and more people, not only the young ones.
三、写作指导
写作思路是先列出一个具体的社会问题或者现象，然后分析产生的原因和产生的影响，最后提出解决问题的办法，或者得出结论，或者提出个人看法，或者预测前景。
论点、论据、论证是议论文的三要素。论点是作者对所议论问题所持有的见解和主张，论据是用来证明论点的事实和道理的根据；论证是用论据来证明论点的方法和过程。一般来说，议论文每段都有主题句来确定论点。论证的方法很多，但最常用的是因果分析法。即：分析事实与论点的因果关系，指出取得结果的原因是所要证明的论点，从而达到论证的目的。
在近几年的高考中，议论文的比重占得越来越多，议论文的.出题形式可以多种多样，有看图写作、图表、表格、书信等各种类型，但文体实际是议论文，而有时是夹叙的议论文。议论文的写作要点是：
1. 观点鲜明，文章一定有一个明确的中心论点。
2. 层次分明，一个中心论点通常有几个分论点支持，不同层次之间要分明，过渡清晰自然。
3. 最后一段一般要总结全文，得出一个符合逻辑的结论，突出中心思想。
4. 一般采用一般现在时。
5. 语言简洁有力，一般不采用口语。
四、巩固练习
1.【练习题目】
2010年上海世界博览会期间，上万的青年志愿者参加志愿工作，请你谈谈对此现象的看法。
【参考范文】
During the period of holding the 2010 World Expo in Shanghai, tens of thousands of young citizens are participating in volunteer work, hoping to devote themselves to the grand occasion. As far as I am concerned, everyone ought to enter for it. Here are the reasons I want to mention.
It can be argued that the advantages of doing unpaid volunteer work are enormous, because volunteer work is actually a two-way street. First of all, volunteer work should always benefit people who need help. Those who need help will feel happier due to our immediate help. On the other hand, as far as the young people ourselves are concerned, we have more opportunities to develop the sense of responsibility, independence as well as interpersonal skills in the process of helping others.
Through this kind of work, we become confident and mature. In addition, we can make many friends and increase our chances of getting the jobs of our dreams. Furthermore, volunteer work plays an active role in building up a harmonious society.
In a word, it is of great value for the young adults to offer volunteer work. The youth volunteers do make a difference by the voluntary work! Why not join them and do something for our country?
2.【练习题目】
某些中学生为了显示自己成熟或表明自己醋而吸烟。请写一篇120词左右的短文，列举吸烟的危害，并提出建议。
【参考范文】
I am sorry to know that more and more middle school students begin to smoke. I think it is wrong to believe that smoking is cool and even think that smoking makes you appear to be mature. In fact, smoking is not cool but very dangerous.
First, smoking can do much damage to health. Scientific researches show that smoking can lead to heart diseases, cancers and other problems. It is reported that about 5 million people die of diseases related to smoking each year all over the world.
Second, it is a waste of money to smoke cigarettes. Smoking can cost a great deal of money. Once you are addicted to it, it is difficult to give it up.
What’s more, smoking can cause fires easily, which may do great damage to your life and your surroundings.
So give up smoking at once! Only in this way can you keep healthy forever.
3. 【练习题目】近年来，越来越多的中学生出国学习，出现了所谓的中学生“出国热”。请根据以下提供的信息，谈谈自己的看法。
1）良好的语言环境，更利于语言学习。
2）拓宽视野，学习国外先进的科学技术。
3）传播各民族间的不同文化。
参考词汇：媒介，中间人：mediator
【参考范文】
In recent years, studying abroad has been popular. Tens of thousands of Chinese middle school students have gone to foreign countries to study．Many people are trying their best to apply to go abroad.
There are a number of reasons for attending schools abroad．First, students who are studying abroad can act as mediators between people of different cultures. They can communicate with each other directly and learn about different cultures. Second, they can learn much more advanced knowledge of science and technology from foreign countries and experience different education methods．Third, they live in foreign countries and take classes given by foreign teachers. As a result, they can learn foreign languages much more quickly.
Therefore, it is advisable to attend schools abroad.
4.【练习题目】随着经济和社会的发展，道路上的私人小汽车越来越多。请根据自己的观察和理解，谈谈自己的观点。
【参考范文】
With the fantastic development both in economy and in society in China, the number of people who own private cars is on the rise. Some people have bought cars of their own, and others are planning to buy cars. But I strongly object to the increase in developing private cars.
I hold that automobiles will give rise to a series of problems. In the first place, as more and more cars are produced and run on the road, a large volume of poisonous gas will be given off, polluting the atmosphere and causing actual harm to the health of people. Next, private cars contribute to traffic jams so greatly that the advantages gained in comfort and freedom are often cancelled out by the frustration caused by traffic jams. The last problem is the increasing number of car accidents that have killed and will kill a lot of people in a friction of a second.
In a word, although automobiles have been playing a vital part in the daily activities of our society, they also bring us numerous troubles such as more serious environmental pollution, more traffic accidents and more energy consumption. They drink up huge amounts of fuel and throw out huge amounts of pollutants. Jams waste our precious time. Therefore, I am against developing private cars.
关于现象类作文评语【六】
我是一棵树，一棵与众多花草树木生长在同一片蓝天下的树。
春悄然与梨花咋放的低吟声中踏香而至时。我也调皮的推开泥土这扇大门，探出嫩黄的小身躯。哇！原来蓝天下的世界这么美好！只见成片成片的草丛间，零星的点缀着些五颜六色的小花。有含苞待放，青涩的紧捂着脸颊。有放肆的开着，如红妆艳抹的舞女，摇曳着身躯大展撩人舞姿。一颗颗高大的树木直挺挺地站着，好像在宣布这地方神圣不可侵犯。不远处传来“叮咚！叮咚！”的流水声，我仿佛听到了那清澈的小溪在调皮的流动，时不时还有几条不识趣的鱼儿蹦出水面做着游戏，可爱极了！对面山峰那薄纱似的白雾好似冻僵了，紧紧依偎在蓝天一大地之间。
我就在这样静谧、美丽的环境中怡人自得地生长着，一年、两年、三年……直到有一天。
一群形形色色的莽汉在我和同伴身边转悠，听说要把年轻繁茂的我们移到城中。听了之后内心洋溢着一阵阵窃喜，我终于能去外面的世界长长见识，为城市绿化尽一份职责。我终于不会被深山埋没一生。那一刻，我像是被上帝临幸的宠儿，被伯乐发现的良驹，欣喜若狂。以至那浴火重生般的断根之痛我也欣然的接受。年轻力胜的我终究没逃脱骄傲的命运。头也没回的告别了生我养我的净土，遗憾从此拉开帷幕。
坐在汽车上耳畔的风夹着有点污浊的尘沙“呼啦呼啦”的直响，突然很怀恋曾经那和煦的山风温柔的飘洒着沁人心脾的花香。一进城一座座高楼，肩并着肩，硬邦邦的矗立在地面，张牙舞爪的展现权威。道路两旁的树木不知为何耸拉着枝叶；像是在悔恨，又像是在咒骂，更像是在诉说着绝望。一种空调味与汽车尾气交织的气体扑面而来，顿时窒息弥漫了四周。我被安置在一段繁华的街口，周天的劳累我也顾不了脚底泥土所散发的阵阵恶臭。正当闭眼沉睡时，五彩灯光骤然被点亮，目不暇接，它们有规律的工作着，流星般的在眼前划过在划过。此刻，在我看来像极了哭泣的眼泪。随后此起彼伏的人群摩肩接踵而来，那勾起嘴角上方的眼睛却直勾勾地盯着同伴，旁若无人的自导自演，荡漾出一股深邃的灰色。时不时总会有瓜果皮纸屑无心的击打着我，浑浑噩噩的一天就这样过去了。第二天，下起雨来，终于可以洗刷昨日的污衣，我舒展着身躯，准备贪婪的享受上天的恩惠时，看似晶莹的雨滴却渗着酸味无情的袭击着我，滴落在地面上的，我不知道那一颗是泪水。
记忆这玩意真不可思议，养活了我的后半生，不久的一天，污浊终于吞噬掉我最后一丝纯净。片片黄叶奋力的挣脱我的身躯，像只金色的蝴蝶优美的在风中打着圈，抒写我生命最后一丝光辉。
上帝啊！请允许我给人类道声别：“我真希望和你们永久的生活同一片蓝天下”。
