《城南旧事》里有一个令人毛骨悚然的故事:英子家的保姆叫宋妈,这个女人的命运十分悲惨,她嫁给了一个好吃懒做的赌徒,生下一双儿女后,就去了英子家当保姆。丈夫偷偷把女儿卖了,儿子没照顾好掉河里淹死了,她还一直给孩子做衣服往家里寄,过了好几年才知道儿女都没了。英子的父母都是善人,暗地里写信给宋妈丈夫,让她回家夫妻团聚继续生孩子,“你不能打这儿起就不生养了!”英子的妈妈说,宋妈也接受了她的安排。
这个故事让我无话可说,然而它毕竟发生在旧社会,它的背景是1920年的北京。宋妈嫁鸡随鸡,离婚是不能想象的事情,悲剧婚姻结出来的恶果都由孩子们来吃,宋妈的母爱价值几何?
智能手机的时代,《找到你》里的孙芳依然在走宋妈的老路,她结婚当天就被老公家暴,她打不过男人,只能选择认命,然后***,继续被家暴。孙芳一边晒太阳,一边摸着自己的大肚子,说:“妈妈要把世界上最好的东西给你。”这说的是冷笑话吗?没有钱,没有尊严,还有一个垃圾男人,她拿什么给孩子?后来孩子得了胆总管闭锁,垃圾男人一走了之,孙芳靠卖身陪酒为她筹钱,还是没有留住孩子的生命。她却把气撒到了李捷的孩子身上,蓄意伤害无辜,她至死都想不明白——自己的愚蠢才是***死孩子的凶手。不是每个男人都有资格当父亲,是很多愚蠢的女人给了他们当爸的机会,孙芳完全可以选择不生孩子,不放任母爱泛滥,不把孩子带入苦海,是一个女人最大的仁爱。
影片的第二个女人——朱敏,名校毕业,全职太太,***时就发现丈夫出轨,还是继续做她的全职太太,对生活毫无危机意识,直到丈夫要离婚争夺孩子的抚养权,她束手无策,哀求对方的律师无果后,点燃煤气自***。朱敏比孙芳多读了几年书,外表光鲜了很多,可是骨子里还不如孙芳刚强,她是明知男人靠不住,还要靠到死为止,却没有想到用自己的工作能力赢得孩子的'抚养权和尊重,男人的良心有几斤几两,她的母爱就有几斤几两?
只有姚晨饰演的李捷是合格的母亲,她选择的男人不出轨不家暴,职业是医生,缺点是妈宝,他没有主见,回避问题,让老婆和老妈正面交锋,身为大律师的李捷看不起这样的男人,她骂他:“你什么时候能像个男人?”他回她:“你什么时候能像个女人?”可惜的是,李捷能像个男人一样成为职场精英,她老公却不能像个女人一样把家照顾好,所以李捷主动提出离婚,争夺孩子的抚养权。如果不是犯了一个小概率错误——请了个仇人当保姆——她是三个女人中间活得最潇洒的,孩子对她而言是剧而非苦情剧,她的母爱最有价值。
一个女人,应该先把自己照顾妥当,才有资格照顾好一个孩子。既然想要生孩子,就应该把男人的家庭责任感当作择偶的首要条件来考虑。母爱是1,母亲的个人能力是0,男人的责任心是0,最伟大的母亲,不是舍得为孩子死的母亲,而是能给孩子100分的母亲,让一个孩子的降临成为纯粹的喜悦,而不是喜忧参半,是一个母亲对孩子最深沉的爱!
男人或者女人,无论谁不靠谱,买单的都是孩子!唯一的出路就是不生孩子!
When you look back on yourself in the past – 10, 20, 30 or more years ago – it’s surprising to see how much you have changed over time. Your experiences, your friends, your family and your work have all shaped who you are right now. But where will you be in another few years? How will you have changed? Reflective writing in your journal is an excellent way to think about what you want out of the future.当你10年、20年或更多年后回顾过去时,你会吃惊地发现,随着时光的流逝,你也发生了很大的变化。你的经历、朋友、家庭和工作造就了现在的你。但是再过几年你会在哪里呢?你会如何变化呢?这样反思性的写作,会是思考未来你想要什么的一种好的方式。
You may have already written a letter to your younger self before, conveying all the wisdom and perspective you wish you had had at the time. Now consider the opposite end of the spectrum; what would you say if you wrote your future self a letter?你也许以前试过给过去的自己写信,向年轻时的自己传授一些人生的智慧和观点,你希望那时候的自己就能知道这些。现在我们换个角度看问题,如果让你给未来的自己写封信,你会写点什么?
Just imagine writing a letter to your future self 5 years from now, then opening it at that exact moment 5 years down the road to see how much of it resonated with you. It is a useful supplementary tool to be used in goal achievement, because when you write the letter to your future self, it helps crystallize exactly how you anticipate yourself to become at that specific moment down the road.
想象一下,给5年后的自己写一封信,当5年后你打开那封信时,你会产生多少共鸣。这是实现目标的一种有用的辅助工具,因为当你给未来的自己写信时,你会慢慢理清希望自己在人生旅途的那个特定时刻变成什么样子。
As you read the letter in the future, you can assess how many things match up (or not vs. your expectations in the past and think about why that’s the case. Often times, the goals we set and our goal achievement process are subjected to a lot of changes along the way, due to varying obstacles, unanticipated circumstances and changing priorities. The letter gives you a macro-view of your initial vision and lets you recognize how your current vision differs from the past.当你在未来读这封信时,你可以看看有多少事情是像你过去期望的那样,你也会思考为什么会这样。很多时候,我们设定目标在实现的过程中会受到沿途中各种因素的影响,因为会遇到各种各样的困难、各种意外情况并需要不断调整优先级。这封信能让你从宏观的角度上去看自己最初的愿景,让你意识到自己现在的想法和过去相比有多么不同。
When you open the letter in the future, you as your future self gets to compare how you used to be in the past and compare with how you are currently. This lets you see in totality how much things have changed since then – and this can be a really intriguing experience. It’s interesting to just see how much you have grown/changed since you wrote the letter.当你以后看信时,你会把过去的自己和现在的.自己进行比较。这会让你看清从写信时起你发生了哪些变化,这种体验是非常有趣的。光看看从你写信开始发生了哪些变化就很有趣了。
What To Write About写什么内容好呢?
Look at today’s date. Now imagine you writing to yourself, exactly X years from now. What do you want to say to your future self?看看今天的日期。现在想象一下你在给X年后的自己写信。你想对未来的自己说些什么呢?
How do you want your future self to be like 1 year in the future?你想让自己1年后变成什么样子呢?
What are the different dreams and goals you would want to be realized by then?到那时你想实现的梦想和目标会有哪些不同呢?
What is your desired status of the areas of your life wheel at that time?那时你想要的人生轨迹和状态会是什么样的呢?
Career/Business/Studies? Finances? Family? Friends? Love? Health? Spirituality? Recreation? Personal growth? Contribution?职业/生意/学习?财政?家庭?朋友?爱情?健康?心灵?娱乐?个人成长?成就?
Once you’re done, sign off your name with today’s date. Safe keep your letter. Put the papers in an envelope. Seal it.写完后,别忘了在名字下面写上今天的日期。妥善保管你的信件,把信纸放在信封里,封上信封。
Set in your calendar to open your letter 1 year from now. Put this envelope in a safe place where no one can access to it.在日历上注明,1年后的今天你要打开这封信。把这封信放在安全的地方,确保别人看不到。
Live your life like you’ve never lived it before in the next 1 year. Open the letter 1 year later and relish in nostalgia, love and joy as you read the letter from yourself 1 year ago.在接下来的1年里,好好生活,用崭新的方式过生活。一年后打开信封,在怀旧却又爱意满满的欢乐气氛中享受读信的乐趣。
Write Your Letter To Your Future Self给未来的自己写封信
Take out a pen and paper right now and start writing your letter to your future self. Identify a time period to write to, imagine how you will be like during that time period, then start writing. Think about the type of person you will be, your place in life, what you would have accomplished then, the kind of thoughts and feelings you will experience, and so on.现在就拿出笔和纸,开始给未来的自己写封信吧。找个合适的时间,想象你在那段时间内会是什么样子,然后开始写信。想一想你想成为哪种人,你在生活中的位置、那时你的成就、你会有什么样的想法和感觉,诸如此类的内容。
At the end of the letter, seal it in an envelope, write the date to open it on the cover and put it in a safe storage space. Fix the date to open this letter in your personal calendar. When you open this sometime in the near future, you might gain additional insights about yourself and your journey in the past few years that you were oblivious to.写完信,把它装到信封里,在信封的封面上写上日期,把它妥善保管起来。在自己的日历中标记一下打开这封信的日期。当你以后打开信时,你可能会更好的洞察自己以及自己过去的生命历程。
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